At least for some of us, Elvis wasn’t so much

Some of us never got into the Elvis thing. We were so “into” James Brown, The Temptations, Joe Tex and Wilson Pickett that we thought Elvis was just a burlesque of black music. The Memphis phenomenon died 30 years ago today, in case you missed the news.

I spent thousands of dollars on records, tapes and CDs over the past few decades. Not one dime was spent for an Elvis song.

Obviously, some of us missed something.

In November 1999, the Recording Industry Association of America announced that the most successful recording act of the 20th century in America was The Beatles with 106 million albums sold (single sales were not taken into account). Garth Brooks was listed as second with 89 million sold and Led Zeppelin third with 82 million. Elvis was listed as fourth with 77 million sold.

Graceland is the second-most-visited home in these United States, second only to the White House.

We didn’t care. We always thought that he took basic black tunes and homogenized them enough to be accepted by white audiences, much like Pat Boone did a generation later. His first Sun record of “That’s All Right, Mama” was a straight steal from Arthur Crudup. “Hound Dog” came from Big Mama Thornton.

He did do some good songs, like “Good Rockin’ Tonight,” “Jailhouse Rock” and “Old Shep,” before he started turning out bubble gum songs such as “In the Ghetto” and making those horrible Hollywood movies.

Everyone had to go see the movie “Love Me Tender” to see Elvis.

I thought it was a comedy. I laughed so hard that an usher threw me out of the movie. That happened a lot, actually.

There is no doubt that Elvis had a Cadillac full of talent. He was fantastic for the few times we saw him live on television. First it was on the old Steve Allen Show, then Ed Sullivan. After he came back from Germany he did a sensational show with Frank Sinatra.

Then he went to Hollywood.

The movies never got any better. One of my favorites, just to laugh at, was “Viva Las Vegas.” I was home with the flu one day laughing through the ridiculous Elvis scenes when the phone rang.

Maybe it was the fever. Anyway, I started doing my best Elvis impersonation (everyone has one) as I answered the phone.

When my rendition was greeted with silence I realized it was not one of my ne’er-do-well friends as I expected. It was the president of Fleet Bank calling in response to a grievous complaint I had about their mortgage practices. I think she must have been impressed, although she managed to conceal it for the rest of the call.

As the years went on, we all put on a little weight …well, a lot of weight. But Elvis led the way. Every time he surfaced for another Vegas show he got bigger and bigger. He became a burlesque of himself.

What a way to go. News reports told us that he died on a toilet seat, carrying from 14 to 18 (depending on the news account) different drugs in his bloodstream.

To some of us, Elvis was never the “King of Rock ‘n’ Roll,” but only a pretender. We would award that title to Little Richard.