Dialogue important for kids Guidance counselor advises parents on graphic images

The impending first anniversary of the Sept. 11 devastation has filled many people with apprehension. What will the media show? What observances will take place in neighborhoods and workplaces? How will we feel when painful images are once again shown? Parents must cope with an additional source of anxiety: How will this affect my children?

Joanne Kimball, Veazie Community School guidance counselor, recently offered some guidelines for mothers and fathers.

When evaluating the appropriateness of any event or piece of information Kimball advised guardians to ask one question: “Of what purpose is this to the kids?” Much graphic imagery will be shown again. For children, especially the youngest, a lot of it will be more than they really need to know. Fortunately parents can filter some of the material their sons and daughters are exposed to.

Kids from kindergarten to grade two are most affected by the attitudes of their households and the kinds of dialogue taking place in the home. The concerns and emotions shown by significant adults will be powerful influences on the thoughts and feelings of primary graders. Anxiety can shape children’s views of what’s going on. Even the perceived importance of news coverage might serve as a strong clue.

“If the parents are glued to the TV rehashing and reliving the events some kids might be concerned,” Kimball said.

Youngsters in the third through fifth grades have become less dependent on families for information. Still, dialogue is very important since at these ages children are not able to see all dimensions of a situation. Intense anger at the perpetrators of the tragedy can spread to encompass all others perceived to be similar by religion, appearance, or national origin.

“They tend to see things more in black and white,” Kimball said.

Middle and high school students tend to want to do something beneficial for people who have been affected and to take on active roles that will help prevent feelings of helplessness. These young adults will vary widely in the concreteness or abstractness of their thought processes.

“Some kids will be thinking about what’s happening in the world and the part they play,” Kimball said. “Others won’t get beyond who’s going to call me on the phone tonight.”

Kimball said that sharing books about the tragedy can help create an opportunity for dialogue with intermediate students and young adults. Scholastic’s “A Nation Challenged,” compiled from The New York Times Pulitzer Prize-winning coverage, can be a real ice breaker for kids from both age groups. Beginning with the attacks of Sept. 11, it goes on to cover the events that followed and the ways challenges have been faced both at home and abroad. Despite the grim nature of the tragedy, much hopeful material is included. Pictures of children in Afghanistan will do a lot to dispel stereotypes American peers might have. Kimball warns that some of the initial photographs may be disturbing for more sensitive children.

Because preteens and teens are very peer-oriented they will find HarperCollins’ “with their eyes” edited by Annie Thomas, quite useful. Students of Stuyvesant High School, just blocks from the World Trade Center, performed a play about the attack and its aftermath after their belated return to their own school. The play was created from taped and transcribed interviews they did with peers and faculty and staff members. The viewpoints, ranging from a pregnant teacher’s awareness that despite her fear, she needed to appear calm for her students to a young man’s anger about tourists taking pictures, are perfect for creating dialogue.