If there is a woman alive who wants or is willing to sit down to a dinner of fried okra and black-eyed peas with a guy named Hootie, then I say she should be allowed to because that’s a serious case of want to.

Having grown up in the South and force-fed fried okra, black-eyed peas and chicken fried steak with creamed gravy, I can personally tell you that they’re nothing special whether being served at Augusta National or Sue’s Snack Bar in downtown South Pittsburg, Tenn. (go Pirates).

This whole deal with women wanting to break the men only barrier at Augusta National seems rather silly to me. It’s not silly that they would want to have access to the golf course or even the occasional bowl of grits, but what seems silly is that the leader of a national women’s group thinks she will be able to pressure the club into change. She thinks the TV sponsors of the Masters will bring enough pressure to ensure change and that public opinion will also apply pressure on the good old boys.

Martha Burke is the woman’s name and she is the head of the National Council of Women’s Organizations. She is also wrong.

She is wrong because she doesn’t understand her enemy. Remember, this is a guy named Hootie who likes being called Hootie.

And Hootie, despite the funny name, is a powerful man. He has brought CBS, the network that has broadcast the Masters since the late ’50s, to its knees in the past. The club’s head honchos forced the network to take Jack Whitaker and Gary McCord off its broadcast when they made remarks about the course the guys in the green jackets found unacceptable.

McCord’s downfall came in 1994, when he referred to a green being slicker than “bikini wax” and that approach shots to the 17th hole were so difficult that there were “body bags,” behind the green.

Whitaker’s undoing was calling the crowd surrounding the 18th green “a mob.” At Augusta National a mob is not a mob. The people making up the mob are “patrons.” That happened in 1966.

Neither man has been allowed to return to the Masters broadcast. Hootie and the boys have a long memory.

And Hootie has headed Burke off at the pass by dropping the tournament’s sponsors. He did so, reportedly, because he didn’t want them to come under fire from Burke.

Burke has said she will take her fight to CBS. But she likely will find little sympathy there. The Masters brings the network prestige. If CBS dropped the tournament from its schedule, a number of networks would line up for broadcast rights.

I’ve no doubt that women would make excellent members at Augusta National. They could eat shrimp cocktails, drink bourbon and spring water, curse, belch and speak in hushed tones about poor old Smith’s financial problems as well as the next good old boy.

But does Burke really want that? Does she want women roaming the hallways of august Augusta, or is it just another barrier that needs to be broken down and another foolish old man who needs to be brought down to size?

Personally, I wouldn’t want to be a member of something that didn’t want me. And if I was a member of Augusta National, maybe I’d do as Groucho Marx once suggested and send old Hootie an e-mail and ask the green jacketeers to, “Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.”

Don Perryman can be reached at 990-8045, (800) 310-8600 or dperryman@bangordailynews.net.