On the record in 2003: let others resolve that …

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Given that, a) it is very hard work to come up with my own New Year’s resolutions and stick with them, and b) that the world would be a much better place if everyone just did what I told them to, of course, I decided that this year I would rather come up with New Year’s resolutions for others to keep. If the people below would just do what I have resolved that they should do, they will be better off, and so will the rest of us.

For President George Bush, resolve:

. to have no better health care insurance for himself and his family members than that of a single mother working full-time at McDonald’s;

. to have the same prescription drug insurance coverage as the average Medicare recipient, that being none until the president and the U.S. Congress do something about it;

. to fill the Oval Office with the air of Houston, Texas – the most air-polluted city in the nation – until he supports continuation and vigorous enforcement of the Clean Air Act. Air pollution remains a major cause of respiratory illness and death in the United States;

. to fulfill his Vietnam-era commitment to the Texas Air National Guard before he sends a single American soldier into combat in Iraq (that would be the commitment he signed up for instead of going to Vietnam). He and Bill Clinton could serve together, since the former president did not serve any tour of duty anywhere.

For the American pharmaceutical industry, resolve:

. to give its CEOs the same prescription drug coverage as President Bush (see above);

. to stop acting in a manner so contrary to public interest it is reminiscent of the tobacco industry, including price gouging, insensitivity to the health care needs of the American people, manipulation of scientific data to increase sales and profits, wholesale purchasing of political favors and protection in Washington, obstruction of a Medicare prescription drug benefit, etc. If they start using Joe Camel to market prescription drugs you will know they have completely abandoned any interest in serving the public’s welfare.

For my daughters, resolve:

. to think their father is wiser as they grow older;

. to remember that being a woman who is smart, confident, and independent is much more important than having a dresser drawer full of Victoria’s Secret underwear (which, based on its cost per square inch of covered body surface area, would appear to be more expensive than gold bullion on a per ounce basis);

. to think “What would a doctor say about doing this?,” before you do something dumb;

. to think “What would my father, the doctor, say about doing this?,” before doing something dumb, since he is certain to find out before his last will and testament is executed;

. to refuse to date any male who thinks it

doesn’t matter that the Augusta Country Club, home of the Masters golf tournament each year, excludes women. To say such things don’t matter is akin to saying that you can keep having garbage dumped on your lawn without it looking like a dump, and that having a lawn that looks like a dump says nothing about you.

For the former CEOs of Global Crossing, Enron, Worldcom, Adelphia, etc., who feathered their own nests but fouled those of stockholders and employees, trashed their companies,

tanked the stock market and thereby the

retirement accounts of millions of Americans, resolve:

. to make the best of what will hopefully be years in prison;

. to live lives no better than the worst off of those whose lives they made miserable;

. to work for minimum wage at least as long as those nearly retired who must now continue working because their retirement stock portfolios lost so much money in 2002.

For former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, who said his fall from grace and power was

caused by his stepping into a trap set by his

enemies, resolve;

. to pick vegetables in the baking sun for minimum wage until he understands what it was like to live in the segregated, racist America of Strom Thurmond’s vision, the America for which Lott waxed nostalgic;

. to keep his mouth shut until he realizes that the only trap into which he placed the same foot he shot full of holes was the trap between his two lips;

. to spend a few minutes each day telling other white men of privilege that the world outside the club has changed, and if they want to live in it with the rest of us they must change too.

For current Senate Majority Leader and heart surgeon Bill Frist, resolve:

. to remember to be a physician first, and a Republican Senate Majority Leader second;

. to remember that the free-for-all which passes for the American health care system is only as good as the care it gives to the poorest Americans;

For all of us, the new year we need, even if it is not the new year we want.

Erik Steele, D.O. is a physician in Bangor, an administrator at Eastern Maine Medical Center, and is on the staff of several hospital emergency rooms in the region.