Step, back, and quick-step, step, back, and quick-step.”

My feet now officially feel useless, just two fleshy knobs that fall or flap wherever. Tonight may end in tears or blood, or both.

“And 1-2-3-4, and step, back, quick-step, and step, back, quick-step.”

I am thankful that our instructor, Larry Dutch, is patient. And funny. Lucky for me, lucky for him. He has been dancing for years and does it throughout the state.

My wife seems to be having fun, though. She smiles even as I recklessly skitter off-rhythm. I guess I’ll keep trying.

“And step…”

Why, oh why, do people go through this agony, embarrassment, and merciless torture? Is it fun? A lot of other folks seem to think so.

Since swing dancing came back into vogue in recent years, lots of little halls, granges, lodges and dance studios around Maine have dusted off the rhythms of old and made swing dances a regular thing. Take a look at nearly any community calendar and it’s likely you will find a swing dance or class in your area.

Every Tuesday, Peaks Hill Lodge in Dedham focuses on swing dancing along with other foot-boggling steps such as the cha-cha, fox trot and waltz. Ordinarily, beginners’ lessons are at 6 p.m., with dancing starting at 7 p.m. But tonight things are starting a little bit later than usual.

Secreted away on a piney road, the lodge emits a surreal “Twin Peaks” vibe this foggy night. I keep the corners of my eyes open for the Log Lady, one of the creepy characters from that cult television show.

Soon though, apprehension dissolves and the atmosphere of the lodge becomes inviting. The air is thick with savory smells. Christmas lights frame the doorways and a TV is going somewhere beyond the dance floor. It’s New Year’s Eve and everyone is preparing for an all-evening dance party.

Before we start, Larry outlines the concept of what he calls “Boogie Buddies.”

While it sounds a little silly, the Boogie Buddies idea makes sense. It’s a way for people to get to know one another and learn from each other, he explains. That approach to dance instruction translates to an easygoing atmosphere, no pressure, just encouragement.

Having indulged in an impromptu private lesson, my wife and I are now teaching each other, practicing the basic swing step. After carefully dissecting the series of moves, we’re both getting it. Suddenly, for a glorious moment, I hold the beat, my feet move in time and in the right directions. Success! I have just completed the step correctly for the first time.

My wife had it from the start, but she has always been a dancer. Desperate, I tried to follow her feet. This, I learned, is a big mistake when swing dancing. In swing dancing, the man always leads. It’s my stiff arm placed at my partner’s lower back, my clumsy feet and my spastic motions that are supposed to lead us gliding and jiving across the floor. God help us.

Pleased with our progress, Larry shows us a new step. It involves crossing the feet again and again while you travel up and down the dance floor. After some minutes of practice, we have it. Shaky, yes, but we have it.

From there, I learn the way to spin the lady out and wind her back in. Then, a complicated maneuver where she spins, then I spin. It’s a tangle at first, then slowly we syncopate our motions. My hand gently pushes her out then reels her in and I twist before we come back together.

We stumble and swoosh our way across the dance floor. I feel like Gene Kelly. Suddenly, I realize that, if you let it, this dancing stuff, particularly this swing dancing, isn’t so bad. It’s actually more fun than I want to admit.

In just under 45 minutes, Larry has done the impossible: Calmly, casually, he has taught us the basics of swing. He threatens more dance steps next time. Somehow I don’t feel quite as intimidated.

After our lesson, we decline a kind invitation to stay and slip out sheepishly before the festivities really begin, to make our date with Dick Clark.

At home before the ball drops, we carefully practice our steps and make a plan to go back next Tuesday.

“And 1-2-3-4, and step, back, quick-step, and step, back, quick-step.”