For seniors raising grandchildren, help is available

For most children a trip to visit their grandparents is laced with fun, special treats and a chance to get a little spoiled. But some youngsters call their grandparents’ house home.

The reasons these children no longer live with their parents are varied. Substance abuse, a death, or just an inability to properly care for a child can cause Mom and Dad to bow out while the grandparents – or in some cases, aunts and uncles – step in and take on the parental role.

“Stability is the key to kids,” said Barbara Kates, director of Family Connections, a program of Families and Children Together. “We have seen huge changes in kids when they start living with the grandparents. We’ve seen children struggling, and then see them settled down once in a stable home. This is not to say that it is always smooth sailing. There are challenges.”

Challenges for both the child and the new caregiver. Children who have come from disrupted families may have experienced emotional wounds and now have special needs. The grandparent, in turn, is now parenting again, with all that entails.

“It is not something the grandparents planned for,” said Kates. “It’s not like planning for an adoption. The new financial responsibilities are not planned for. They need help finding resources.”

Enter Eastern Agency on Aging.

“We approached Family Connections because grandparents caring for grandchildren is going to be a growing population,” said Deb Chapman, director of outreach services at EAA. “We have now established a more formal partnership.”

It works like this. If Family Connections has a grandparent who is 60 or older, caring for a grandchild and in need of services – which could include legal advice, or information on financial assistance – the individual is referred to EAA. On the other hand, if EAA has a client who needs services regarding the grandchild, a referral is made to Family Connections.

“We attend to the needs of the senior who may have health concerns or other fears, while Family Connections focuses on the children and the family as a unit,” Chapman said.

Family Connections offers help getting services for the children and family, training on the needs of children who have experienced family disruption, group meetings with other individuals in the same situation, and information for legal, educational and financial decisions.

“The case management staff works in two ways,” Kates said. “One way is [through] child management issues such as behavior challenges and special needs, and the second is helping them navigate the system, providing research on respite and so on.”

Once a child comes to live with the grandparents, family and other relationships often change, added Kates. The grandparents are plucked from the traditional grandparent role and thrust into a disciplinarian role, while the child’s parents may become more like siblings to their own children. The grandparents may also face social isolation because their friends are not eager to spend time with the children.

“Our main goal is to support the village that it takes to raise a child,” Kates said. “We help connect the grandparents with resources available to them and support them. People often don’t know anyone else in their situation. They are very happy when they find out that they are not alone. We reduce the isolation.”

But the agencies want to do more.

“We know that there are more people out there than we are serving who are caring for a grandchild, and we want to reach them,” Chapman said.

In fact, the agencies joined forces and developed a survey that would identify the specific needs of seniors who are caring for grandchildren in the hope they all could be better served. If you would like to take part in this survey, call (800) 833-9786.

“I have this wonderful job,” Kates said. “I get to be a cheerleader to the grandparents.”

Carol Higgins is director of communications at Eastern Agency on Aging. For information on EAA programs and services, call the resource and referral department at 941-2865 or log on www.eaaa.org.