This shirttail thing has to come to an end. I’ve been investigating, and I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy.

All of these high school basketball players got together secretly – maybe in the banquet room at Dysart’s over a couple of root beer floats – and put together a plan.

They’re purposely pulling their shirttails out during games so the referees will have to stop the game and send them off the court.

How devious of them.

I’ve seen it happen, and it doesn’t happen just every now and then. It happens at almost every game I go to.

Here’s how it works:

Team A’s star player is dribbling down the floor with his left hand. While the referees’ attention is on his left hand, ensuring that star player does not palm or carry the ball, star player reaches back with his right hand and pulls his shirttail out.

Moments later he will stop his dribble and raise the ball over his head to make a pass. As he is doing so, a referee’s attention is suddenly drawn to the shirttail and he blows his whistle.

“Hold it, security here,” the official says, or something like that.

And then the official ushers the player to the bench.

While the player’s coach argues that the rule is silly and the official tells the coach that a rule is a rule is a rule, the players on the bench and the floor try to contain their laughter because they’ve fooled the grown-ups yet again.

And the coach who argues how silly the rule is simply doesn’t understand what a safety issue it is for a player’s shirttail to be hanging out.

Here’s an example:

Team A’s star player has tucked his shirttail back in and returned to the game. He pulls down a rebound and makes a mad dash dribbling down the floor on a fast break. Again, while the referees are focused on his left hand, he reaches back with his right hand and pulls his shirttail out.

Just behind Team A star player is Team B star player in hot pursuit. As he approaches Team A star player, Team A star player’s flapping shirttail begins slapping Team B star player in the face like Oscar de la Hoya hitting a speed bag.

He yelps and falls to the floor. Referees notice the shirttail out and again escort Team A star player off the floor.

Again, the coach argues with the referee about the silliness of the rule. Again the players snicker. Even Team B star player who was beaten savagely by Team A star player’s shirttail joins in the amusement once he regains his senses.

Then comes the moment in the game when everything is on the line. It has come down to the final seconds and Team A leads Team B by one point and Team B has the ball for one final chance. As Team B attempts to inbound the ball, Team A star player deftly reaches and pulls Team B star player’s shirt until his shirttail is hanging out.

As Team B star player rolls off a screen, the referees notice that his shirttail is hanging out and stop the game to usher Team B star player to the bench.

Team B’s coach is enraged. He argues with the officials and the referees explain that a rule is a rule is a rule.

Meanwhile, the players laugh it up. They’ve fooled the grown-ups again.

Kids these days -you never know what they’ll think of next.

Don Perryman can be reached at 990-8045, (800) 310-8600 or dperryman@bangordailynews.net.