It’s difficult to determine exactly how many Eastern Maine basketball tournaments I’ve attended, but a glance at the press ribbons pinned into the bottom of the cork bulletin board in the den shows the number is at least 17 … And still counting.

Whatever the number, it’s more than enough to know that no matter how many games you see, how many stupefying plays you view, or how many bizarre events you witness, you still haven’t quite seen it all.

Think of that as a tournament truism. When you stop to think about it, there are an awful lot of those to consider.

For instance, it’s a statistical/ethereal/cosmic certainty that the tournament will be no more than 10 minutes old before someone somewhere on the unyieldingly hard bleachers or perched way up in the darkened, steeply-inclined nosebleed seats shouts at a guy wearing black pants, a shirt with vertical black-and-white stripes, and a whistle to “Let the kids play.” This also applies to chants like “I’m blind, I’m deaf, I want to be a ref” and others which can’t be repeated in a public forum like this.

That’s a tried and trusted tournament truism.

Need more? There are plenty to choose from:

The unavoidable upsets – This goes without saying. There will be upsets. I say upsets in the plural because there always are. It never fails. That’s one of the factors that makes the tournament so endearing, addictive and popular.

Sure, fans go to root, cajole and will their favorite teams on to a gold ball, but they also stay and watch other games as well. Why? Well sure, they want to get their money’s worth like any self-respecting Maine Yankee would, but they also stay to see the upsets. That’s why the tournament cuts across all demographics: fans, non-fans, casual observers. They may not all go the tourney, but a bigger majority than you think will at least scan the headlines, check out the scores, pause in front of the TV to see highlights, or listen to a tourney radio update because it’s what people in this part of the country do this time of year. If you don’t do it, you feel kind of left out and no ones wants to be left out.

It’s time to trade in the glass slippers for Converse high-tops – Some team, at least one, will be referred to as a darkhorse, spoiler, or Cinderella either before and/or after upsetting a higher seed. This will lead into “a Cinderella story” if the upset string continues on into the finals and will undoubtedly invite comparisons and references to “Hoosiers.”

Mecca-lomania – It won’t be long before some sportscaster brandishing a microphone and/or camera that unfortunately won’t totally obscure their face will refer to the Bangor Auditorium as “The Mecca.” I don’t know who coined this annoying term, but I can’t go on any longer without informing them that The Mecca of basketball was the home court of the NBA’s Milwaukee Bucks before being replaced by the Bradley Center in 1988. For you purists, Mecca is a holy city on the western coast of Saudi Arabia to which members of the Islamic faith make pilgrimages. Since the structure located at 100 Dutton Street in Bangor has little to do with either the Bucks or Islam and already has a name, let’s say “to hecka” with “The Mecca.”

Broadcaster blather – Radio and television announcers have their favorite sayings and the tournament has a way of bringing them all out. You won’t have to wait long to hear them either. It’ll be a shock if someone isn’t “Johnny on the spot” or “the heart and soul of the team” or “Mr./Miss Underrated” before the buzzer has sounded the end of a first half.

Coaching cliches – Broadcasters aren’t the only ones with pet phrases. Coaches will be talking about “playing one game at a time, playing their game, not being ready to play, stepping up,” and “not showing up” before the games have even begun. By the way, if they didn’t show up or they weren’t ready to play, where were they and what were they ready to do?

Profit from patience – There’s a certain degree of risk here, but for those who want to save some money and pick up a practical tourney souvenir at the same time, you might be well served to wait until the end of tourney week before picking up that commemorative T-shirt in the lobby. That’s when the remaining stock goes on sale, sometimes for half price. Just think of all the extra hot dogs, popcorn, Italian ices and Pepsis you can buy with the money you’ve saved.

That’s just a sampling of tournament truisms. If you want more, just look around and listen as you cheer the teams, harangue the refs, and stuff yourself sick on junk food. It’s tourney time … Enjoy it.

Andrew Neff can be reached at 990-8205, 1-800-310-8600, or aneff@bangordailynews.net