Caregivers for ill and aging need some TLC, as well

We’ve heard everyone from physicians to health spa gurus tell us to take care of ourselves. Not bad advice.

However, when busy lives get in the way, watching out for No. 1 – as the old saying goes – can be a little hard to squeeze in.

While keeping an eye on stress levels and booking some much-needed personal time is important for all of us, it is essential for people in the position of caring for an aging loved one.

“[Caregivers] can’t give what they don’t have,” said Echo Aven, caregiver support specialist at Eastern Agency on Aging.

“They won’t have the energy, strength, compassion and endurance to see through the role of caregiving. On the positive side, if they take care of themselves, they can find more satisfaction in caregiving because they are not compromising everything else that is important in life.”

Caring for a loved one can be enormously rewarding, but it can also be frightening and frustrating, added Aven. Seeing an ill or aging family member become increasingly dependent on outside help may cause a person to give way to fear, anger and subsequent guilt.

For those who have children and jobs that require large amounts of time, including caregiving duties in the mix can be a recipe for burnout.

To reduce stress levels, Aven suggests making a list of things that need to be done so that if someone offers to help, you’ll be ready with an answer.

For instance, changing an out-of-reach light bulb, cleaning the cat box, running to the grocery store, raking the leaves, or even sitting for a little while with the caregiver’s loved one would be deeply appreciated.

“Lists are good because if someone picks a task from it, you can be sure that it’s something they are able and really willing to do,” said Aven.

“One man switched cars for a day with a woman who was caring for her husband and just couldn’t find time to have the oil changed. He had the oil changed on his lunch hour.”

It is also important to keep up with hobbies. Doing so can provide a creative outlet that is unrelated to caregiving and is something “just for you,” she added.

Some caregivers start feeling isolated and find their spiritual support disappears if they can’t continue to attend church.

“Keeping in touch is an important component of taking care of oneself,” Aven said. “In fact, one woman started a Bible study in her kitchen once a week so she keeps connected while her husband sleeps. She has a little tea party.”

Churches can also be good places to find people willing to volunteer some respite time, she said.

And keep in mind that humor is a wonderful distraction. Laughter causes a release of endorphins, which can diminish feelings of depression.

“Rent funny movies, talk to fun friends and keep a journal of events that, while not humorous at the time, may bring you a chuckle later,” Aven said.

“There was a caregiver whose father, when getting out of the bath, slipped and became wedged between the tub and sink. He was unhurt but too heavy for his daughter to lift. She called for help and they played cards until help arrived. While waiting they started giggling about the situation, which relieved the tension.”

The Family Caregiver Support program specialists spend their days helping individuals and families who find themselves in a caregiver role. From making referrals to advocacy to a weekly phone call “just to check in,” these specialists tailor the program to suit the individual, said Aven.

“We offer so many services, but the biggest thing we hope is that people will call on us,” she added.

“We help people when they are in crisis. However, if they call before they feel they need to, it can help avoid a crisis altogether.”

Carol Higgins is director of communications at Eastern Agency on Aging. For information on EAA programs and services, call the resource and referral department at 941-2865 or log on www.eaaa.org.