Anyone who thinks shopping for Father’s Day means popping into J.C. Penney to buy a tie has not met ShopDad.

Ed is not a man easily appeased by ties. Unless they come from Brooks Brothers. And he has to be the one who picks them out.

Before you go thinking my dad is an ingrate, don’t. He’s just particular. Which means the weeks leading up to Father’s Day involve a lot of phone calls back and forth among my sister, my mother and me to lay out our game plan.

Last Sunday I called my mom, angling for an idea. She started laughing, then she mentioned SpongeBob Square-Pants.

SpongeBob SquarePants?

My sister, ShopGirl Jr., dragged my parents to Target last weekend, where Dad stumbled across a SpongeBob T-shirt. He thought it was hilarious.

This is the same man who custom-orders oxfords from a chi-chi Portland “clothier.” It’s so upscale that it can’t even bill itself as a men’s shop.

But I digress.

Dad wanting a SpongeBob T-shirt is akin to me wanting a pair of acid-washed jeans. Stuff like that just doesn’t happen. In the case of Dad, it was too easy, too obvious. I mean, my sister and I spend months scouting out gifts for this man. I’m not exaggerating. We brainstorm. We make lists. We scour the Internet. We duck into obscure gift shops in faraway towns in search of that just-right item.

It was going to take a lot to convince me that the perfect gift could be found at Target.

So Jr. and I set out on our mission. We went to Borders, where she found a Made in Napa Valley grill set, with a savory balsamic barbecue sauce and a pair of spice rubs ($19.99). Perfect for the grill master. I contemplated a host of grilling cookbooks to complement her gift, but alas, Dad doesn’t need a cookbook to tell him how to grill. Heck, he writes his own recipes. He would be insulted.

A book was a good idea, though. I contemplated buying Dad a copy of “First Light” by Tom Blagden and Charles Tyson, ($60 at select bookstores, including Port in a Storm in Somesville and BookMarc’s in Bangor). It’s a beautiful photography book about Mount Desert Island, one of dear old Dad’s favorite places. It was an option, but still, I wavered.

Next, I went online. Williams-Sonoma had a deluxe Weber Performer Grill with ShopDad’s name written all over it. It was the best of both worlds – a charcoal grill with a gas starter. It cost $399. Ouch. Then I remembered, he has a brand-new Weber. Another half-hatched plan down the drain.

Jr. found a Michelin Car Care kit at Bed Bath & Beyond’s Web site, but when I went to the store, they didn’t have it in stock. That would’ve been great – a deluxe chamois, natural sponge, mop, and a selection of hose attachments ($29.99 at bedbathandbeyond.com). But it wasn’t meant to be.

Then my sister suggested World Over Imports. I had forgotten how much I love that place, but when I walked through the door, I remembered. The selection got my wheels turning – I could put together a martini kit with a set of glasses and some gourmet garnishes, or I could give Dad a pair of heavy-duty waterproof garden gloves tucked inside a whimsical planter. The options were endless.

At last, I saw a copy of “The New England Clam Shack Cookbook” by Maine summer resident Brooke Dojny ($16.95 at bookstores). Perfect. Dad loves clam shacks. He loves cooking with seafood. I could put it together with some lobster crackers, a few cloth napkins and a bib or two and it would be like a lobster bake to go.

I had finally found the perfect gift. But I couldn’t help feeling a bit empty inside. I felt like something was missing. And then it hit me. I knew what I had to do – instead of a bib, I’d throw in a T-shirt. Something that dad wouldn’t mind getting a little lobster juice on.

SpongeBob, here I come.

ShopNotes

. If you’re looking for an alternative to the popular “Mother of All Bombs” T-shirts, the Bangor Clean Clothes Campaign has designed its own peace tees, made of organic cotton in a nonsweatshop environment. These T-shirts are made of California-grown cotton by members of the Women’s Sewing Cooperative in Nueva Vida, Nicaragua. They are printed with environmentally friendly inks by W.S. Emerson of Brewer. They cost $15.50 and are available at PICA, located at 170 Park St. in Bangor, by phone at 947-4203, or online at www.pica.ws.