Foster mom’s song shows children’s grief

loading...

MACHIAS – Debbie Norman is a foster and adoptive mother from Machias who has shared her home with more than 70 children in the 17 years she has taken in youngsters with no other place to go. She and her husband Clay Norman eventually adopted four of the children they sheltered and raised many alongside their three biological sons, who now are grown.

The emotional pain suffered by some of the kids made a permanent impression on Debbie Norman, and she has written a song that encompasses themes of abandonment and confusion felt by many foster kids as they react to being taken from their homes and families.

Norman said she cannot forget the kids around age 7 or so who would excitedly leave with a caseworker for a planned visit from their mother or father, only to have the parent cancel at the last minute.

The palpable disappointment of these youngsters spurred some verses in the song that focuses on the overriding need of foster children to connect, somehow, with their biological family.

Called “Daddy’s Big Man,” the tune, reminiscent of Gospel music, carries some potent messages for adults involved in foster children’s lives. It was completed in time for November, which is Adoption Awareness Month. The month is set aside to call attention to the pain – and the hope – of Maine’s 683 foster children who are ready to be adopted.

The lyrics to the ballad are as follows:

Daddy’s Big Man

By Debbie Norman

As he sat by the window little faced pressed to the pane,

Oh, his heart seems so heavy and tears fell like rain.

Then I heard a small voice as if saying a prayer,

So I moved a little closer just so I could hear.

And this is what he said:

Chorus: “Why, Lord, tell me, why did they take me away?

He didn’t mean this time to hit so hard.

It was just a bad day.

Oh, I promise I’ll do better and not make him so mad.

After all, I just turned 7 and I’m Daddy’s big man.”

Well, I felt myself tremble and tears filled my eyes,

Tell me how he could hurt such a sweet little guy.

So I got on my knees and I took his little hands,

Then I whispered, “Yes, I can see you’re Daddy’s big man.”

Chorus

Why, Lord, I know why you brought him to me today.

But he doesn’t understand that kind of life is just not the way.

Oh, I pray that his family gets all the help that they can.

After all, he says, he’s Daddy’s big man.

Chorus

After all, he’s only 7 and he’s Daddy’s big man.

Oh, Let’s help them while we can.

Norman says the song has a three-way message: “First, it depicts a foster parent’s feeling as he or she sees the little guy’s longing as he waits and wants to go home. No matter how bad the situation, no matter how bad the abuse or neglect, that child wants to go home.”

Second, it sends a message to the biological parent, Norman said.

“Parents need to know even if they hit their child and hurt him, they still love you. So get your act together so you can have your child back home.”

The third message is about the foster family, whose mission sometimes is not made clear.

“The foster family’s role is reuniting families, it’s not taking children and never giving them back,” Norman said.

Still, it’s hard to let go of children, a key message Norman wants to deliver to people thinking of foster care.

With infants, “it can be devastating.” But Norman said there is always another child needing help. “Sometimes in Texas, a caseworker would leave with a child out the front door and another one would bring a new foster child in the back door. ”

Keeping busy as a foster parent is the best therapy, according to Norman.

Not everybody can be a foster parent, “but everybody can be a part of the system” – either through offering respite care or other services, Norman said.

Norman, 51, is a Machias native. She met her German husband, who now is 53, while her Air Force father was stationed overseas. Clay Norman became a naturalized citizen in the 1960s and now works in the mental health field. The couple are both licensed foster parents and first took in foster children in Texas, then continued the activity when they moved back to Maine.

Their biological sons are now 32, 27 and 22. Their adoptive family includes three girls, ages 16, 11 and 10, and a boy, age 8. They also have one foster child, a 6-year-old Native American boy.

Norman and her husband may slow down, but they’re not thinking of retiring.

“I love doing this. I may do this until I’m 80,” Norman said.