Beatles climb over Stones, but rest is mystery

In the latest battle between the two classic rock bands, The Beatles topped The Rolling Stones in the Rolling Stone magazine poll of the top 500 rock albums of all time. The battle between the two English bands was close, with the mop tops topping the Stones 11 albums to 10, but The Beatles had four of the top 10. Naturally. “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” was No. 1.

Where were you in 1967?

The magazine, which apparently is still publishing (when was the last time you bought one?), polled 273 musicians, critics and key industry representatives to choose their top 50 albums. The participants included the famous (to me) U2, Jackson Browne, Art Garfunkel, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Metallica, and the surviving Doors. They also included the obscure (to me) Beck, Missy Elliott and Linkin Park.

Linkin Park?

Hard to object to most of the top 10, which featured four Beatles, two Bob Dylan and one Rolling Stones albums. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why “Pet Sounds” by the Beach Boys made the list. I never liked surf music and I never forgave the Boys for their acoustic rendition of “Help Me, Rhonda,” which was both the first and last Boys album I ever bought.

I loved the rumor that “Sgt. Pepper” was so good, following closely on the heels of “Pet Sounds,” that Beach Boys boss Brian Wilson didn’t leave his house for years.

I don’t know why, but I always hated The Who as much as the Beach Boys and could never understand their attraction. I always had The Who right up there with Neil Diamond. Don’t ask me why, but The Who had seven albums in the top 500. I didn’t know they made anything beside “Tommy.”

Also, The Clash and “London Calling” finished at No. 8. With a teenage gun at my back, I actually bought this album and listened to it on several occasions and barely survived a Clash concert in Portland. But No. 8?

It took me about 20 years to appreciate Dylan. A pretentious friend, one William Glavin, always came to parties armed with the latest Dylan album. Just when the Motown sounds had (virtually) everyone mellow and dancing, Glavin would commandeer the turntable (it was a while ago) and insist that we listen to every droning, whining Dylan word.

While Glavin went on at length about the meaning of the lyrics and the subtleties of the guitar playing, the tender, young women looked around for their coats and a better party.

Bruce Springsteen had no less than eight albums on the list. It took me about 10 years of nagging by Grady Flanagan to appreciate Bruce, but now I am a believer. I even bought a few albums.

They were very good, but I never spent money for a David Bowie or Elton John album. They had six albums each on the list.

My man Otis Redding had five albums on the list (I have them all), tying with The Byrds, Led Zeppelin, Neil Young and U2.

On the list with four albums were Madonna (the ultimate mystery along with Snoop Doggy Dogg), Bob Marley, Elvis Costello, Grateful Dead, James Brown, The Police, The Smiths (huh?), Velvet Underground, Pink Floyd, Prince, Roxy Music, Simon and Garfunkel, Sly and the Family Stone (whatever happened to them?), Stevie Wonder and Talking Heads.

You may not remember, but the best music, according to Rolling Stone, happened in the 1970s, when 36 percent of the finishers were produced. The ’60s were second with 25 percent of the winners, with only 17 percent from the ’80s and 12 percent from the dreary ’90s. Songs from the 1950s or before accounted for only 5 percent of the winners, and the brief new century had only 2 percent of the winners.

Women-led groups did not fare well in the survey. The female groups had only 9 percent of the winners, with the men collecting 88 percent and the other awards going to “mixed groups.”

Disco music didn’t make it to the top 500, unfortunately. Magazine editor Joe Levy explained that disco was driven by single records, not albums.

That must be it.

Send complaints and compliments to Emmet Meara at emmetmeara@msn.com.