‘Haunted Mansion’ a ride without many thrills

In theaters

THE HAUNTED MANSION, directed by Rob Minkoff, written by David Berenbaum, 99 minutes, rated PG.

The first thing that floats upon the screen in the new Walt Disney movie, “The Haunted Mansion,” are three words: “Welcome foolish mortals.” The first thing I wrote in my notes was, “I wonder if they’ll regret that?”

The movie certainly looks great.

Rick Baker’s special effects have a nice decay about them, John Myhre’s production design imagines the sort of dark, haunted sets in which any graveyard corpse would happily look undead, and the house itself seems like the sort of place Norma Desmond might have called her own in the afterlife – it has bigger-than-life everything.

Too bad about the small story.

As directed by Rob Minkoff (“Stuart Little,” “Stuart Little 2”) from a screenplay by David Berenbaum, the execution of this particular Disney tale isn’t nearly as spirited as the design that envelops it. It’s lethargic and generic, so weirdly safe and timid that the movie can barely bring itself to say “boo,” let alone take command of the screen.

Following last summer’s “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl,” the film is based on another popular Disney theme park ride. But unlike the superior “Pirates,” which only took its inspiration from its ride before breaking free from it, “The Haunted Mansion” feels pressed to faithfully adhere to all of its ride’s elements.

Sometimes that strategy works, such as with the addition of the singing barbershop busts, which is funny, or in the holographic images of ghosts whirling about in a midnight waltz, which is dazzling. But mostly, this forced structure takes the air out of the movie, giving it a sense of joyless, seen-it-before predictability that isn’t helped by Berenbaum’s blah script.

In the film, Eddie Murphy is Jim Evers, a real estate agent unable to strike a balance between work and family. His unhappy wife and business partner, Sara (Marsha Thomason), wants more of the latter, with their two tots, Megan (Aree Davis) and Michael (Marc John Defferies), seemingly indifferent to all of it.

Guilted by Sara into taking a long family weekend away from home, the Everses nevertheless find themselves taking a detour to meet a client at the sprawling Gracey Manor.

There, Edward Gracey (Nathaniel Parker) and his creepy servant, Ramsley (Terence Stamp), reside with a couple of ghosts (Dina Waters, Wallace Shawn), more than a few secrets, the wicked face of Jennifer Tilly glowing green in a crystal ball, and a nasty hidden agenda that will challenge them all.

This sounds more interesting than it is. With Murphy and company only ever going through the motions and Minkoff eking out just a few laughs, “The Haunted Mansion” proves more stuffing than gravy, a Thanksgiving release made by the mortals at Disney that’s never as foolish as it should have been – and is only average at best.

Grade: C

On video and DVD

MAN ON THE TRAIN, directed by Patrice Leconte, written by Claude Klotz, 90 minutes, rated R. In French, with English subtitles.

Patrice Leconte’s “Man on the Train” is an American Western set in a French village. It’s a collision of cultures, a movie in love with movies, literature, poetry and music, but not to the point of worship or distraction. Written by Claude Klotz, the film rides its own rhythms, only wavering at the end.

Leconte (“The Widow of St. Pierre,” “The Hairdresser’s Husband,” “Girl on the Bridge”) takes risks without cutting off his own limbs. His final scene is problematic – an overtly stylized, self-conscious letdown – but until then, “Man on the Train” is an often funny, character-driven excursion that gets the small details right.

In the movie, two aging men from opposite sides of the tracks find themselves in each other’s company over the course of three pivotal days, during which they wonder how their lives would have been different had they taken different paths. Such as each other’s.

There’s the crook, Milan (French pop star Johnny Hallyday), a tough scruff in black leather whose life has been an often violent affair lived on the edge. He arrives via train to this small provincial town with the intent of robbing a bank, but since it’s nearing winter and most of the inns are closed, he has no luck in finding a place to stay.

Enter Manesquier (Jean Rochefort), a lonely literature teacher living out his retirement in the sprawling estate left to him by his mother, dead now 15 years. Drawn to the restless danger he senses in Milan, he suggests the man stay with him, which Milan reluctantly agrees to do, leaving Leconte to nudge each toward a personal crossroads, a reawakening and a final crises, not to be revealed here.

Regret is an undercurrent that tugs at the periphery here, with Leconte too shrewd and too knowing to allow either man to literally metamorphose into the other. His ending allows him a clever way around that, but it’s just that cleverness – and the coincidence that accompanies it – that slightly undermines what is otherwise such a smart, involving movie.

Grade: A-

Christopher Smith is the Bangor Daily News film critic. His reviews appear Mondays and Fridays in Style, 5:30 p.m. Thursdays on WLBZ 2 and WCSH 6, and are archived at RottenTomatoes.com. He can be reached at BDNFilm1@aol.com.