One fir tip: spruce not for wreaths

We started out the week with a chance for you to chuckle – if you were paying attention. Right there on the front page was a picture of a couple of teenagers taking home boughs – spruce boughs we here at the NEWS said – for Christmas decorations.

I got a call bright and early Monday morning from one of my past guide instructors, Dick Parker, who asked whether I’d ever tried snapping off a spruce tip. I had, I said, and “it weren’t easy!”

Then he asked if I’d ever made the mistake of putting up a cat (a.k.a. skunk) spruce. I hadn’t, I said, because my nose had always worked fairly well. Bringing home the spruce is one of those things you do only once, he reminded me.

It took a few seconds for his line of questioning to sink in, and then I realized he was pulling real hard on my leg. He suggested I take another look at the “spruce” boughs on the kids’ trailer pictured front and center on Page One. Sure enough (if you know spruce) the boughs were fir (The needles on fir are opposed on their shoots while the spruce has needles that grow in a spiral pattern around the shoot. Fir also has a lighter color on the undersides of the boughs.).

We shared a laugh over the faux pas. It’s kind of like saying we drag for lobsters down on the coast, or trap clams. I was still chuckling when, on my way downstairs for coffee, I passed Dave Small’s office. Small, as his name does not imply, has me beat in the stature department. He’s a big bear of a guy who’s the “bill collector” here at 491 Main St. He’s an avid outdoorsman, and we trade jokes almost daily. I had to point out our misstep.

And of course it triggered a tale in return of a time, long ago (up in The County) when he was on the prowl for the perfect Christmas tree. Pickin’s were sparce at ground level, he said, so he turned his attention skyward (remembering the advice of friends) to find a “top” that would make just the right tree.

Sure enough, right up there atop a 30-plus-footer, was the gem he sought. So, said Small, he set about taking the tree down with his trusty Boy Scout hatchet. After a lot of sweat and more strokes than a beaver would have used to chew through the trunk, down came the tree.

Well, not exactly all the way down. There it hung, entangled in a mess of branches from neighboring trees. Shaking and tugging failed to bring the prize down. The only thing left to do was to mount an air attack. Up the trunk he went, much like a black bear on a tear, Small related. When he got to the spot where he could top the tree he again commenced to wailing on the wounded tree.

All that weight (did I say Small isn’t small?) and pounding was too much for the entangled tree and down came the whole mess. Fortunately for the intrepid tree hunter there was about three feet of snow to cushion his fall. He got up, shook himself off, dug snow out of his under layers, and dragged his trophy home, proud as could be.

On the back porch he gave it a good shaking to loosen the snow (but not the cobwebs) and summoned his wife to admire his prize. She took one look, saw the cobwebs and the fact it was a cat spruce and declared the stinking thing would never grace her living room!

Like Dick Parker said, bringing home a spruce is one of those things you do only once.

Speaking of dragging things home for the holidays, or finding your way home for that matter, I just received a copy of “GPS Made Easy,” Fourth Edition, by Lawrence Letham. It’s hot off the presses at The Mountaineers Books of Seattle, Wash. If you’re new to the world of Global Positioning Systems (or you happen to know Santa’s bringing you one – lucky you) this would be a handy, 208-page volume to have as a companion, and at $15.95 it’s not too hard on your wallet.

The new edition has revisions catering to the WAAS (Wide Area Augmentation System) satellite system and to the newer GPS receivers, PDAs, and pocket PCs that use downloadable maps. The WAAS system uses differential GPS correction data to make its position calculation more accurate than older GPS units without it. Basically, older units may have put you 50 feet from a point whereas the WAAS units will put you within 10 feet of the same point.

Whether you hike, bike, hunt, kayak, canoe, fish, ski, sail, travel by car, are involved in search and rescue or just mushroom hunt, a GPS is one of the tools you should have in hand. Along with it you should be able to read a map and know how to use a compass. And as you progress on your trip it’s handy to keep notes and check your position on your map. By doing this you’ll have to try hard to get lost.

Being able to find your way home or to your destination in a fog, a whiteout, or in darkness is reassuring. Last fall when two friends and I ventured into the woods around Nicatous Lake, we had to return after dark. Visual references are not the same with vehicle headlights, and we turned onto a woods road thinking it was the correct way out to Route 9. (I had entered a waypoint into the GPS when we entered the woods earlier in the day.) As we drove south we soon realized we were on the incorrect road. The GPS directional arrow mirrored nearly every turn, however, and it became apparent, after checking out the map, the road we were on ran parallel to the one we came in on.

Sure enough, when we hit Route 9 the arrow was pointing up the road to where we started. Without the GPS we likely would have turned around when we realized we were on the wrong road and spent time in the dark trying to find the correct road.

“GPS Made Easy” will help you decide which model GPS is best for your needs and help you through the terminology associated with these marvelous calculators. What I found useful is the wealth of illustrations that accompany the text. To be sure, many are different than my inexpensive model, but once you get a handle on features and terminology, it’s pretty understandable.

Again, if GPS is new to you, this book will help you understand the capabilities of GPS -things like telling you the distance to your destination as you progress, how far you’ve come, the speed you are making over ground (SOG), and at which you are approaching your destination, velocity made good (VMG). It’ll also tell you your average speed while some models will tell you your vertical speed as well as maximum ascent and descent.

But the more useful features are direction indicators that point you on your intended course and (on some models) how far off course you are and which direction to go to get back on course. Many have a function that will take you back to your starting point over the route you just traveled. And then there’s the Man Overboard function that allows you at the push of a button to mark a spot in an emergency (say someone falling overboard?). The GPS takes immediate note of the spot and changes to the navigation screen to direct you back to that spot.

This book will guide you through these and many more functions. What helps is the use of examples – one of which is a 10-mile kayak trip at night using the GPS to guide you along the way. The deeper into the book you read, the more complex the functions, so even though you know a little about GPS, it’s probably wise to begin reading this book at the beginning and refresh or learn the basics from the start.

Jeff Strout can be reached at 990-8202 or by e-mail at jstrout@bangordailynews.net