It took me a while to figure it out, but now I know, Jessica Simpson is to blame.

No, this column isn’t about Chicken of the Sea or Buffalo wings. It’s about the recent proliferation of faux Louis Vuitton Murakami bags, as well as its candy-colored counterpart by Dooney & Bourke.

Jessica’s purse is the real deal – it’s the bag that launched a thousand knockoffs. These days, it’s extremely difficult to tell the difference between what’s authentic and what isn’t, but sometimes, you just know. Suffice it to say, there isn’t a Louis Vuitton boutique within a 300-mile radius of Bangor, and, even if there were, do you know anyone willing to fork over $1,700 for a handbag that will be out of style next spring? Neither do I.

I’m not an anti-knockoff activist by any means (I once bought a fake Gucci bag). But I’m starting to become anti-status. A logo bag doesn’t have the same cachet if everyone and their 15-year-old sister has one. I’ve even reconsidered my obsession with the long-coveted Coach bag. This is not to say I’d scoff if it suddenly appeared on my desk, but since that’s not going to happen, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

Last week, I went on a quest for the anti-tote – something subtle, classy, unique and completely free of Cs, DBs, interlocking Gs or stacked LVs.

Instead, I found knockoffs galore, by Tommy Hilfiger, Nine West, XOXO and other brands that I couldn’t quite place. This wasn’t going to be easy. At Filene’s, I saw the ubiquitous Dooney & Bourke satchel, which I passed. There were a ton of cute initial bags, but I couldn’t quell visions of Laverne and Shirley, so I skipped those. Loved the tiny Nine West bags, but realized I couldn’t even fit my keys inside.

Off I went to Marshalls, where I saw many bags that caught my fancy – pink patent leather knapsacks, black totes, luxe white hobo bags, shocking orange buckle bags, Pucci-print clutches, and fabulous cigar box purses (which were in about two years ago, but are still cool nonetheless).

I went online, and flirted with the idea of buying an Angela Adams clutch in black and white – chic and unique. But I’m holding out for her yet-to-be-released line of leather-trimmed handbags, which have an irresistible Jackie O quality about them (to browse, visit www.angelaadams.com). Anthropologie.com had a cute pink bag, but it was a little too bohemian for me. Bummer. I remembered a bag made of license plates that I saw at The Grasshopper Shop in Ellsworth, but realized that wouldn’t work, either.

Whenever I’ve needed a bag, TJ Maxx ‘n More hasn’t let me down. So I went, I saw, I conquered. As I walked through the crowded accessories section, I saw exactly what I needed. It called to me, quietly. Black, two pouches, metal clasp, short handle, and oh-so-subtly stamped in the leather, in tiny text, the words: Kenneth Cole New York.

It was decidedly untrendy. The perfect size. Hip in an old-fashioned kind of way. It was love, and it was mine for $24.99.

Best of all, there is no way anyone could ever mistake it for Louis, or Dooney – or phony.

ShopGirl would love to hear from you! Send questions, comments or suggestions by e-mail to: kandresen@bangordailynews.net, by U.S. mail to: Kristen Andresen, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor, ME 04402-1329, or by fax to: 941-9476.