Name your poison. Butter. Meat. Whiskey. Fried chicken. White wine. Crisco. Onion rings. Fettuccini Alfredo.

If you live long enough and read enough, you will find a college and a researcher to tell you that your personal poison is the best thing that can ever happen to you, your heart and your cherished longevity.

My latest longevity hero is one Tomas DePaulis, Ph.D., a certified research scientist from Vanderbilt University. Tomas must have a lot of time on his hands. He analyzed the coffee-drinking habits of 126,000 people for as long as 18 years (he must be tired) and found it to be as close to a health food as you can find.

I cannot get out of bed in the morning without thinking of that first French-pressed cup of ambrosia, made from freshly ground beans and Poland Spring water, naturally. I make it as strong as motor oil, then cut it with a generous helping of half-and-half.

One Cobb Manor roommate, who professed to be a recon Marine and one of the last of the Semper Fi crowd out of Vietnam, refused to drink my blend and had to make his own tepid brew to start the day. I want to see his service records right after we get them from George W. He and other effete visitors who turned their back on my coffee always warned me that I was surely (don’t call me Shirley) killing myself, drip by drip.

I now have the last laugh. At least until the next study.

Our boy Tomas, Ph.D., claims that coffee, the more the better, can lower the risk of diabetes, Parkinson’s disease and colon cancer. Hey, he has the Ph.D. The Vanderbilt study also claims that coffee can lift your mood (no kidding), treat headaches and even lower the risk of cavities.

I might have a cup right now.

I did not make this up. The Vanderbilt study claims that drinking one to three cups of coffee a day can reduce diabetes by single digits. But having six (six?) cups a day slashes the risk among men by 54 percent and among women by 30 percent.

If I drank six cups of my blend a day, I could sell my truck and simply speed walk around the midcoast area.

“Overall, the research shows that coffee is far more healthful than harmful. For most people, very little bad comes from drinking it, but a lot of good,” DePaulis said.

I find it hard to believe, but the Vanderbilt study claimed that six different studies showed that people who drink coffee on a regular basis are 80 percent (80 percent!) less likely to develop Parkinson’s disease. Two cups a day not only will keep the doctor away but also will lower the risk of colon cancer by 25 percent, the risk of cirrhosis by 80 percent and the risk of gallstones by 50 percent.

I may have another cup.

Coffee, this wonder drug, can even mitigate damage from tobacco and alcohol, two of our favorite poisons. “People who smoke and are heavy drinkers have less heart disease and liver damage when they regularly consume large amounts of coffee compared to those who don’t,” said DePaulis.

Harvard University has also chimed in on coffee benefits. A Harvard study conducted by researcher Charles Hu showed that diabetes occurred only half as much among the latte crowd. “We don’t know exactly why coffee is beneficial for diabetes. It is possible that both caffeine and other compounds play a role. Coffee has a large amount of antioxidants such as chlorogenic acid and tocopherols and minerals such as magnesium. All of these compounds have been shown to improve insulin sensitivity and glucose metabolism,” Hu said.

Italian researchers claim that a coffee component called trigonelline helps prevent dental decay from forming.

So the next time you walk into Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts, say, “Give me a cup of chlorogenic acid, tocopherols, trigonelline and cream, and here’s to your health.”

I am now researching studies on the health benefits of glazed doughnuts and baked potatoes with butter. I know they’re out there.

Send complaints and compliments to Emmet Meara at emmetmeara@msn.com.