BANGOR – Players were still working out in the weight room at Husson College Wednesday. Coaches were in their offices. Students were attending classes.

Still, something was palpably different. A pall hung over the entire Bangor campus.

A wide range of emotions coursed through this college community in the wake of Husson student-athlete Lee St. Hilaire’s suicide Tuesday afternoon. The 20-year-old Winthrop native died from a self-inflicted shotgun wound to his abdomen, according to the state Medical Examiner’s Office.

“I’m not sure what to say,” said Husson head football coach Jonathan “Gabby” Price. “I told the team last night … I just don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know that you can find the words to do the feelings I have justice.”

Neither could anyone else, but they still wanted to try.

“It still kind of feels like it’s not true,” said freshman tailback Adam Robinson. “It wasn’t until I saw it on the news that I believed it really. I read the article in the paper and that was tough because I realized he wasn’t going to be there that first day of practice.

“He was always the type of guy to walk through the door and say ‘gotcha,’ but it’s not going to happen.”

The 6-foot, 200-pound freshman quarterback was known for his calming manner, easy-going demeanor, and ability to make teammates feel at ease.

“Every time you saw him … Smile on his face. He was the happiest kid ever. I didn’t expect this,” said sophomore offensive tackle Josh Evans.

Braves linebacker Tom Lasko of Lincoln had a unique perspective on St. Hilaire. He helped lead his Mattanawcook Academy team to a 9-7 win over St. Hilaire and Winthrop in the 1999 Class C state title game.

“We’d always talk about that game. It was strange because when you didn’t know him, you just wanted to beat him,” he said. “Then you get to know him. He really is the type of person who, once you know him, you really like him. He was himself, all the time.”

St. Hilaire was a known commodity as a Division I player at the University of Maine before transferring to Husson in 2002.

“We looked up to him. We found out he was coming here and we were all like ‘Sweet!'” said defensive tackle A.J. Buzzell of Bath. “He wasn’t your typical quarterback – blonde, 6-foot-2, and built – but he was a quarterback. No matter how hard he got hit, he’d always get right back up.”

“He was always the guy to bring a smile to your face or to bring everyone up,” said sophomore wide receiver Colby Horne of Belfast. “We were all pretty much new this last season and he was always the vocal leader and helping everyone get comfortable.”

“The first time I met him, he had this big beard. He looked like some kind of hippie,” said redshirt freshman offensive lineman Bill Brosseau. “Then he started talking and he had this lisp and he’d sound so funny. I’m like, who is this kid? He’s our quarterback?”

The most-repeated question on many minds was “Why?”

“It’s such a surreal thing. I’m still struggling with the fact he did that,” said senior business major and linebacker James Tribou of Hampden. “One of my best friend’s sister was killed in a car wreck in high school and that was real tough to take, too, but that was an accident … But why did this happen?

“You worry that you missed something the last few times you talked to him and wonder if you could have done something. He had so much potential and it’s just not fair.”

“You just want to open the door and see him out there and smack him for doing it, but then giving him a hug,” said junior fullback Jason Jack.

Norm Thombs, who coached St. Hilaire for two years in middle school and four in high school, was stunned by his former player’s death.

“I am. I haven’t slept since I found out about it,” said Thombs, the director of the United Methodist Camp in Winthrop and Winthrop High’s varsity outdoor track coach.

Thombs is no longer coaching football, but he remained in regular contact with St. Hilaire.

“I’ve been at the high school today or I’ve been with kids and teammates and classmates. It’s been devastating and I can’t even put it in words,” he said.

St. Hilaire completed 140 of 205 passes for 2,382 yards and 21 touchdowns and won the Fitzpatrick Trophy his senior year of high school. He was intercepted only three times while completing 68.3 percent of his passes. He led his Winthrop Ramblers to two straight Western Maine titles, the second being an unbeaten Class C state title season his junior year (2000). His final season’s numbers put him into the national record books for career completion percentage (63 percent) and total passing yards (8,272).

“He was looked up to as a hero by a lot of kids, so we’ll all be together and try to figure it all out,” Thombs added. “Bottom line, he was a great kid. I think Lee really, really found a home at Husson and was excited about the chance to help lead them. He really embraced the underdog mentality.”

Thombs’ instincts were validated by something Brosseau said about St. Hilaire.

“He was our reason for having a positive season last year with an 0-8 record and he’ll be the reason we have a positive season this year,” Brosseau said. “He’ll definitely be with us somehow. Number 11’s going to be our 12th man.”

A wake for St. Hilaire will be held 2-8 p.m. Friday at old Winthrop High School on Highland Avenue where a funeral service will be held 1 p.m. Saturday with the Rev. Robert T. Carlson, chaplain at Husson College, officiating.

Those wishing may make memorial contributions to the Lee St. Hilaire Scholarship Fund, care of Winthrop Area Federal Credit Union, P.O. Box 55, Winthrop, 04364, to benefit a Winthrop football player.