Entertaining thoughts of purchasing a roll of fabric row cover does not mean one is insane.

Even if it is 10 feet wide.

And %$# feet long.

I said, %$# feet long.

Oh, all right.

500.

Yes, as in 5,000 square feet.

Like a store.

Perhaps it’s been the cold. Maybe it’s been the lack of snowcover. Perchance it has been watching the perennials shiver in every 20-below-zero breeze. In an instant of reading the listing in E&R Seed’s garden supply catalog, I was enamored of the thought of my little seeds and seedlings tucked under the cozy fabric, even when it is 70 degrees and sunny.

I certainly don’t need quite that much row cover. Half that amount would do to blanket the vegetable garden.

The entire vegetable garden.

Plus.

But when I saw it in the catalog, I remembered what fabulous luck I had last summer when I covered my cucumbers and squash with row cover stretched over bamboo hoops. I had battled cucumber beetles for a few seasons and was determined last year to get the better of them. The day I finished planting the seeds, I set the hoops, hauled out the row cover and secured it with clothespins to the hoops and with rocks to the ground. Sure, there are special “tacks” and “staples” and “pins,” but rocks are free.

Not only does a row cover cut down on pesticide use – organic or otherwise – it keeps the plants warmer to produce earlier, and it lets through sunshine, water and air.

My only complaint is the width of the row cover. It never seems quite wide enough, especially toward the end of summer, when frost threatens and the plants are full grown and the row cover doesn’t exactly cover so much as float atop the plants. How much frost protection can that be?

This width of 10 feet tempted me, and I began to ponder the imponderables. What could I cover with my 10-foot-wide roll of row cover to kick-start the growing season and thwart bugs?

Much of the yard, it would seem. Every single raised bed, every inch of vegetable garden, every last perennial bed, every bed I haven’t built yet.

After all of that, I would still have some left over. Since most row cover fabric lasts for a few seasons if treated well, I wondered how I would store my roll so that it wouldn’t become a mouse magnet.

It could be put to good use.

I could fashion myself an extra long shawl, like that zippy little number Audrey Hepburn wore in “Funny Face” when she came tripping down the stairs with the wind blowing, which sent the shawl billowing into the air. I could practice that look around the back yard on windy days.

I could become the new Christo – I even have the name for it: Pineo – wrapping things and people in row covers to make a statement: Forget art – garden!

Around Halloween, I could cut out pieces, stuff the center and tie it off to make those odd little ghosts you sometimes see fluttering from tree limbs, sort of a new cottage industry. My motto: If the squirrels don’t get ’em, they’ll last for years.

I could even branch out and make snowmen for winter fun. And if anyone asks during the off-season, you could say they were cocoons for a mysterious type of tent caterpillar. Yep, those painted eyes are strange, and then there are those buttons. Well, you could reply with a wicked smile, there are worms that make silk.

No matter how tempting a 10-by-500-foot roll of row cover is, I always shop around. Mostly because this roll was pushing $230.

Which brought me away from the Indiana catalog to Maine’s own Johnny’s Selected Seeds. There I found the same weight of row cover, but at 83 inches wide and 250 feet long. All for a mere $39.50 (Maine residents add $1.98 tax, it says helpfully.)

OK, it’s not as wide, but it will work. There would still be the issue of covering the full-grown plants to protect against frost, but wait. What’s this?

The very next line in the catalog reads, and I quote: 9054 little red truck symbol (well, I can’t exactly draw it in) 30′ x 100′ Roll $75.50 thru Zone A. Zone B add $12.20. (ME res. add $3.78 tax.)

I have – gulp – a choice.

Thirty feet. By 100 feet.

Eighty-three inches. By 250 feet.

I’ll take both.

If that doesn’t prove I’m not insane, just consider the Audrey Hepburn-Christo-ghost-snowman alternative.

Sources for row covers

Johnny’s Selected Seeds has several weights and sizes of row covers. Wire for cutting your own hoops also is available. For more information, contact Johnny’s at 955 Benton Ave., Winslow 04901-2601; telephone: 207-861-3901; Web site: www.johnnyseeds.com.

E&R Seeds has several weights and a larger number of sizes, ranging from 83 inches by 250 feet to 50 feet by 1,000 feet. Bundles of hoops, including pre-bent heavy duty ones, also are available. For more information, write to E&R Seeds at 1356 E 200 S, Monroe, IN 46772.

Janine Pineo is a NEWS copy desk editor and systems editor. Her e-mail address is jpineo@bangordailynews.net.