Dear Target,
We’re only four days into our relationship, yet I feel like I’ve known you all my life. I don’t want things to move too quickly, but I think I’m falling in love. When I looked into your big, red bull’s-eye, I could see your soul, and I knew we would be a perfect match – you, with your handsome blend of style and value; me, with my appreciation for design and a good bargain.
This was meant to be.
I have to admit, since I heard you were coming to town, I’ve had my eye on you. You’re not my usual type (I prefer small boutique to big-box superstore). But when I walked through your doors, all hesitation melted away.
It could’ve been the Isaac Mizrahi spring line that won my heart (for the record, I bought a pair of navy blue pants and a gray herringbone jacket), or the Mossimo jeans that fit like they were made for me. Perhaps it was the aroma of fresh-brewed Starbucks coffee that stimulated my senses. Maybe it was the floral plates by Swell – “prints charming” swept me off my feet.
Whatever it was, it worked.
I feel like you’re concerned about my safety. As I wandered through the merchandise, there were no accidents, no “cart rage” like I’ve experienced at other stores. Where others have tried to suffocate me, your wide aisles give me room to breathe.
Your selection lets me express myself. I can really be me when we’re together, because you embrace my professional side and my casual side. With you, I can afford to buy high-heeled flip-flops for poolside and a pair of slingbacks for the office, and I don’t have to feel guilty.
I know it’s a little soon to ask, but I think we should move in together. The sleek lines of your living room tables and entertainment-center armoires (and the Pottery Barn-esque “mudroom collection”) convinced me that we truly could make a home of our own.
At the very least, I could make you dinner. Your cookware is so hot I can’t wait to get my hands on it. The Calphalon pans, the Michael Graves toasters, the Henckels knives, the Kitchen-Aid mixers – it’s enough to make a foodie swoon. And by the way, Target, you are one gorgeous dish. From the classy, classic stoneware of Pfaltzgraff to the adorable plastic plates by Swell, baby, you can set my table any day.
And speaking of baby, if things work out, we should definitely have kids. Lots of them. We could dress them up in OshKosh, put them down for a nap in those adorable cribs, watch them run around in sweet flip-flops, and when they get a little older, they can help us in the garden. The Miss Spider watering can, the frog-printed rubber boots, and the pint-size garden gloves are simply too cute.
How do you do it?
It’s not just the merchandise, either. It’s the little things you do – with a million cashiers, you never keep me waiting; your staff is so friendly and courteous; and you’re willing to go out of your way for me, because if I can’t find my size, you’ll send someone out back to get it.
Let me get right to the point: I’ve never felt this way before. I hope you don’t think I’m too forward, but I know you’re the one, and I think you feel the same way, too. I’m ready to walk down the aisle with you (preferably the women’s clothing aisle). And when the time comes, I know just where to register.
Love always,
ShopGirl
ShopGirl would love to hear from you! Send questions, comments or suggestions by e-mail to: kandresen@bangordailynews.net, by U.S. mail to: Kristen Andresen, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor, ME 04402-1329, or by fax to: 941-9476.
Win this shoe
ShopGirl wants you to have a pair of Mossimo kitten-heel flip-flops in your choice of black or pink (the hot, if entirely impractical, shoe for spring). To win, send a love letter to the store of your choice to the address at the end of the column. The top entry, as judged by ShopGirl and her editor, will win the shoes. Be sure to include your shoe size and contact information.
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