Trekker gets tangled in online shopping mishap

Brad Whitney of Caribou fairly swooned when his eBay bid of $79 outdistanced all others for a Star Trek die cast model of the Klingon K’Vort Class Bird of Prey.

Imagine his disappointment when UPS delivered instead a Romulan V-8 Bird of Prey Class cruiser.

Whitney was crushed. He immediately contacted the seller, Image Products of Madison, Wis., by e-mail, advising the company of the mistake.

Whitney wasn’t a happy Trekker when the vender snottily replied, “I wouldn’t worry, a Bird of Prey is a Bird of Prey … it’s still a good deal.” Well that’s just not true.

Any fan knows that the K’Vort Class Klingon vessel carries a crew of 1,500, is armed with four disruptor cannons and two disruptor tubes, is equipped with a cloaking device and has warp speed capability while the Romulan ship carries a crew of only 150, is armed by only one plasma energy weapon and is propelled by a simple, less powerful and slower impulse engine. In comparison, the Romulan ship is practically a garbage scow! Whitney wasn’t about to take this with his shields down.

He tried one more civilized e-mail, but Image Products again rebuffed him, refusing an exchange or refund. Whitney then asked eBay to help, but it just suggested he place “negative feedback” into the seller’s eBay record (visible to buyers online).

Whitney next asked Paypal for help, but the transaction had gone though and the deal was closed. Whitney felt lost in space without an escape shuttle, until he decided to open hailing frequencies to COMBAT.

Luckily, COMBAT has among its volunteers a retired Starfleet admiral who knows his way around a galaxy and can tell a Romulan from a Klingon.

COMBAT e-mailed Image Products on Brad’s behalf. Just to show off, we reminded Image that the Romulan cruiser was named after the “vas hatham” (bird of prey), a huge, flying predator native to Romulus, a bird that lives for nearly 100 years, can reach giant proportions, can have a wingspan as wide as 50 feet and can weigh as much as 400 pounds. Kind of like a big turkey. But that’s not what Brad ordered and not what Image Product’s eBay listing described.

In his first response, the company’s owner, still rather snotty, refused. Our next e-mail wasn’t so friendly.

We said Brad wanted either the item described on eBay, or his money back. We also warned Image Products that if it didn’t lower their phasers and play nice, we would contact other members of the Federation, namely the Wisconsin attorney general, Madison Chamber of Commerce, eBay, Paypal and others on Mr. Whitney’s behalf. This assemblage had the collective power of a Constellation class battle cruiser. That seemed to work, Image folded and told Whitney to repackage and return the item for a full refund, postage included.

We have had a little Star Trek fun with this, but the online commerce reality is scary.

Online shopping is the 21st century version of mail order, and the U.S. Department of Commerce reports that Internet sales grew 29.7 percent, to $17.2 billion, in the fourth quarter of 2003.

E-commerce sales in the fourth quarter accounted for 1.9 percent of total sales, compared with 1.6 percent during the same period in 2002. Total e-commerce sales in 2003 were estimated at $54.9 billion, up 26 percent from 2002.

Unless we protect ourselves now from online fraud, deception and irresponsibility, the losses will be staggering. COMBAT’s Center for the Public Interest is doing its part for Maine consumers, without state, federal or United Way funding. But it will take lots of help to protect against this online avalanche. For more information write “How Can I Help?” care of Forum.

Consumer Forum is a collaboration of the Bangor Daily News and Northeast COMBAT-Maine Center for the Public Interest, Maine’s membership-funded nonprofit consumer organization. Individual membership $25, business rates start at $125 (0-10 employees). For help and information write: Consumer Forum, Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04402-1329.