Jim and Catherine Gray pulled a real “Green Acres” a few years ago, moving from their place in Cape Elizabeth to an old farmstead in Hollis. They had a farmhouse, shed, barn, dug well and lots of land. But something was missing; they had no animals. The Grays did what any aspiring farmers would do: They went to the agricultural magazines to examine options that might be profitable and fun. There it was, plain as the nose on your pig, an advertisement that offered, “Make a solid profit raising worms!”

The Grays thought, “How much trouble could a worm be?” You don’t have to walk them. They don’t need a saddle or other tack (unless they are racing worms). They don’t need to be milked and shorn, or require regular visits from a veterinarian. Nor do they have to be herded across country to stockyards. So Jim Gray wrote to a worm wholesaler (there are such things?) called Big Wiggle Worm Farms (honest) in Montana. He enclosed an order form in which he requested the Big Wiggle (love saying that) catalog and a book about worm farming. He used a credit card to pay.

Imagine how Gray squirmed when, about five weeks later, rather than a catalog or book, he received a large box containing (you guessed it) 10 pounds of “red wigglers” (at $15 per pound). Jim immediately contacted Big Wiggle to notify them of the mistake. He even sent them a facsimile of his order form that he had retained for his records. At first, Big Wiggle tried to wriggle out of the problem by suggesting Gray go ahead and grow the worms, promising that he could triple his investment in several weeks. Gray explained that he wasn’t ready for that, didn’t know anything about how to raise worms, didn’t have the vermiculite (what worms live in), a worm house or a worm bed (they sleep?). He just wanted to ship the worms back and have his credit card credited for the amount ($178.60 including shipping and handling).

Big Wiggle reluctantly agreed but questioned whether the worms would survive the return trip (apparently, worms don’t like to fly). They told Gray to just do what he wanted with the worms and they would handle the refund. Sounds like a done deal.

So Gray tilled up a plot of the old cornfield and (with a certain degree of disgust at the process) scattered the little red wigglers all around so they could fertilize the soil and make more little wigglers. But when he received his next credit card statement, the balance still reflected the worm deal. Jim called Big Wiggle again. He was informed that too much time had passed for a credit to be issued and he would have to be sent a check. He waited two weeks, then his phone calls were not returned.

That’s when Jim contacted COMBAT. Our caseworker wrote Big Wiggle expressing hope the business was not trying to slither out of its agreement. Big Wiggle apologized, saying that it was the busy season for worm farmers. The company promised to send Gray’s check immediately. Barely a week later, Gray called to say he had received the refund and a complimentary bumper sticker reading “Support Global Worming.”

Shortly thereafter, Gray sent COMBAT a contribution in addition to his membership. In his letter, he informed us that raising worms might not be a bad idea after all because his cornfield was alive with them and that he had become the darling of every youth in the neighborhood who likes to go fishing. He and his wife had, however, elected to buy a goat.

Consumer Forum is a collaboration of the Bangor Daily News and Northeast COMBAT-Maine Center for the Public Interest, Maine’s membership-funded nonprofit consumer organization. Individual membership $25, business rates start at $125 (0-10 employees). For help and information write: Consumer Forum, Bangor Daily News, PO Box 1329, Bangor 04402-1329.