Hold on a minute. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, which comes and goes with “protection” policies depending on how the political winds are blowing, is telling us Mainers that it’s not fog we’re engulfed in during summer months but actually smog.

Get off it. We didn’t just fall off the back of the sea cucumber truck, for crying out loud. We know that smog, otherwise known as pollution from contaminating companies and plants, permeates such places as Los Angeles or Newark, Houston or Boston.

But it isn’t produced here in Maine, where Poland Springs water sales thrive and Burt’s Bees guards against insects and chapped lips, not asthma.

Smog is what tourists can’t wait to leave in their own cities during the hot summer months in order to come to Maine, where air – and life – is the way it should be.

That means driving in Acadia National Park without using windshield washer spray for clear views. That means hiking in Baxter State Park without gasping for air. That means biking in Camden or Bar Harbor, or kayaking in Blue Hill or Winter Harbor, without needing CPR.

That means standing within the stupendous scenery of Schoodic Point and singing to yourself, “On a clear day, I can see forever.”

Now, we’re told half of this state – including Maine’ choicest coastal communities – violate federal air pollution standards for ozone. A recent report by the EPA listed 31 states and 474 counties for “nonattainment.” What that word means in bureaucratese is akin to threatening the state if it doesn’t clean up its air quality in Androscoggin, Cumberland, Hancock, Knox, Lincoln, Sagadahoc, Waldo and York counties. That’s 108 Maine communities which allegedly failed to meet new federal air standards; and poor old Sagadahoc was cited as the sole county to have every community in violation.

According to news reports of the EPA findings, the rules require that Maine prepare a plan for reducing ozone levels in its “nonattainment areas” or risk sanctions, which (translated) could include the loss of federal transportation funds.

Reality check: How in this world can Maine keep air pollutants from drifting in? We can’t even keep up with the number of obese RVs on our narrow roads. Or the humongous cruise ships in our harbors. We can’t provide enough Port-A-Potties – or Dumpsters or recyclable bins – for festivals and special events along the coastline during summertime. We can’t widen the turnpike quickly enough to accommodate everyone seeking our quality of life.

And that quality of life includes our air.

We can’t do much about the fog that encompasses our islands and coastlines and hangs around till the wind changes, then blows out as silently as it arrived. And – certainly – we can’t do anything about the smog that wafts along in a southwest breeze from its metropolitan origins and pollutes our pristine airspace like toxic litter thrown overboard from a boat.

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency folks are the ones full of hot air if they think they can punish Maine for what blows in here from the “west’ard.”

Why, Mainers have been dealing with such prevailing winds – or visitors – for generations.