Singles can study up on strategy

I tried to be good. Honest. But after several hundred pages of “Anna Karenina,” I figured out that Russian literature wasn’t what I wanted to read during my vacation. Some lighter fare was definitely in order.

Lucky for me, I’ve been collecting fluffy reads for a special occasion. Lucky for the singles out there, the books are all about dating and offer some quirky tips and new perspectives.

There must be a rule somewhere that books about dating have to be small, cute and colorful. All four of the books I’ve been hoarding are 7 inches high or smaller and they all have colorful covers with sweet drawings and even sweeter drawings inside.

By the way, almost all of these books have dedications, which I assume are there because the author means to show you that, hey, these tips work, because I’m attached to someone good enough to have a book dedicated to them!

The exception is “Chicks Dig Fries” by Bob Mathews – he

dedicated his book to Lisa and Heidi, two women he apparently loved and lost because he didn’t take his own advice.

“Chicks Dig Fries” is the only book of the bunch aimed at men. The title says it all: Here is the stuff chicks dig. Do (or say or buy) these things and you’ll have a chick of your own or you’ll impress the one you’re trying to hang on to.

Did you know, for example, that chicks dig cats? Or that chicks dig boiled water? Or that chicks dig cotton balls?

Sounds a little too specific. This chick, for example, usually doesn’t like cats, can barely boil water, and could care less about cotton balls.

But there are deeper meanings here. Mathews is suggesting that guys show consideration for her stuff (such as cats or other pets), make an effort (as in, try cooking dinner instead of microwaving) and be thoughtful (by having stuff chicks use around the house).

Oh, chicks also dig honesty, free spirits, loyalty and commitment and being happy, according to Mathews. Sounds about perfect to this chick.

Next up were two how-to books. “How To Tell He’s Not the One In 10 Days” by Michele Alexander and Jeannie Long was penned by the same team whose other book inspired the film “How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days.”

“How To Tell” is a cartoon book that chronicles a relationship from the initial pickup line to the final dumping. I say final because the girl stick figure and the boy stick figure break up once and get back together.

The girl stick figure should have known immediately that her male counterpart was no good when he approached with “Nice buns.” But as many of us can understand, it takes a lot of fortitude to turn down someone when we’re single, and sometimes it’s harder to break up if he (or she) is all you have at the moment.

A couple of ways to know he’s not the one, according to Alexander and Long (who didn’t dedicate their book to anyone): He takes every opportunity to catch a glimpse of himself. He insists you call him by his nickname, Trigger. He flirts with the waitress at breakfast (paid for with a coupon), then doesn’t tip her.

In “Is He the One?” Susan Swimmer (dedication: “For James, the One”) suggests 101 questions to ask yourself if you’re considering a serious relationship with a fellow. This book is a bit more serious (hence the drawing on the front cover of a woman thinking).

Swimmer suggests you ask yourself if your man can deal with seven days of rain on a vacation. Does he respect the time you spend with your family? Is it easy or hard to rent a movie together? All are perfectly suitable questions that can reveal a lot about your relationship. Too many bad answers and he’s probably not the one.

“Down Boy,” by Lisa Hamilton (“For Max”) equates men with dogs and has an interesting thesis: The hardest part of having a boyfriend is training him, but with the right amount of finesse, love and obedience soon will follow.

The book divides men into six categories (dog-egories?). Men are classified, according to Hamilton, as toys, hounds, working, terriers, mixed breeds or sporting dogs based on personality. Sensitive guys are toys, blue-collar types are working, athletic men are sporting, etc.

Teaching your boyfriend commands – such as Stay! for boyfriends who wander at the mall; Heel! for boyfriends who wander at parties; Fetch! for just about anything – is the way to turn him into your kind of guy, Hamilton theorizes.

I’m sure this book can be useful to women who feel the need to control, change and train men. I’m also sure Hamilton meant most of this in jest. But really, I’d rather get a mutt from the pound: low-maintenance, grateful just to be there and already trained. Chicks dig those things, too.

Jessica Bloch can be reached at 990-8193, 1-800-310-8600, or jbloch@bangordailynews.net.