Word comes that actress/comedienne Whoopi Goldberg has been canned as a spokeswoman for the diet product Slim Fast because of her disparaging remarks about President Bush at a recent New York City fund-raiser for presumptive Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry.

I wasn’t at the scene of the alleged crime, nor have I seen news clips of the Goldberg performance or read a transcript of her anti-Bush rant, so I don’t know what she said about the man.

But I’d have not the slightest hesitation in betting the farm that whatever she said was rude and raunchy enough to curl your hair. Whenever the woman takes to the podium – especially in a political setting – only the hopelessly naive could profess to be surprised by what comes out of her mouth. Goldberg herself acknowledged as much even before her performance had become a minor cause celebre and Republicans had threatened to boycott Slim Fast company products.

Since Democrats were presumably well aware of what they were getting when they signed her up to bash Bush, it could be argued that they – and Goldberg – deserve whatever negative fallout erupts from her performance.

Still, to anyone who is even vaguely aware of the concept of freedom of speech, that basic American birthright, Goldberg’s firing as a company spokeswoman for having made her remarks may seem a bit much; may seem like just one more corporate cave-in to political pressure that puts us ever closer to one day being led, dumb and silent, like sheep to the slaughter.

For a country that has just celebrated its 228th birthday with ringing testimonials to a plethora of freedoms that many others do not have, it does seem that we are getting wicked sensitive in our old age about the speech of those with whom we may disagree. In the old days, unkind words said about someone would most times provoke a shrug and a reminder from the recipient of the unkindness that sticks and stones might break his bones, but names would never hurt them. Today, we are likely to demand an apology, organize a boycott, file a lawsuit and lobby for a congressional investigation, although not necessarily in that order.

The late Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black didn’t leave any room for doubt as to where he stood in the matter of free speech. “My view is, without deviation, without exception, without any ifs, buts, or whereases, that freedom of speech means that you shall not do something to people either for the views they have or the views they express or the words they speak or write,” the eminent jurist said in an interview some 40 years ago. It is at our peril that we ignore his eloquent counsel.

Quintessential American humorist Mark Twain also had a take on the freedom-of-speech thing. “It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them,” Twain wrote, in seeming to tweak our innate distaste for rocking the boat as Goldberg did. (Or as Vice President Dick Cheney did in his infamously quaint suggestion that Sen. Patrick Leahy might best serve mankind by attempting an anatomically impossible feat.)

The rhetorical aftermath of the rally which resulted in Goldberg losing her job as chief huckster for the diet product was a pretty good indicator of how Bush-Kerry campaigning may go for the next three and a half months until the November election.

After Goldberg and other Beautiful People of Hollywood had trashed Bush, Kerry thanked them and suggested that they spoke for many Americans. Bushies demanded the standard apology of Kerry and, according to news reports, said Americans should be allowed to see a tape of the entire rally so they could decide for themselves whether the remarks coincided with their beliefs.

Fat chance of either happening. They’d make available tapes of the rally when the Bush administration releases the files concerning Cheney’s alleged secret mollycoddlying of his corporate bedfellows, the Kerry camp announced. Even fatter chance of that ever happening. Mexican standoff.

Meanwhile, behind-the-scenes operatives were at work floating a trial balloon in the newspapers to test public reaction before the upcoming political conventions should Bush decide to dump Cheney as vice president in favor of a sexier model carrying less baggage. “And they call me a flip-flopper,” said Kerry, a bit prematurely. Cheney and his boss insisted that he’s staying on the ticket. If anyone suggested that detractors might try the aforementioned Patrick Leahy maneuver it was not recorded.

Seats in the upright position and seat belts fastened, please. This baby is taking off.

NEWS columnist Kent Ward lives in Winterport. His e-mail address is olddawg@bangordailynews.