Got religion? Only you make that decision

Last month, I solicited questions from you, and I received several letters with questions or concerns. If you have questions you would like to ask me, please e-mail me directly through the address below or mail them to the Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04402, Attn: Tom McCord. He will forward them to me.

Karen wrote: “My father was Jewish and my mother was Christian (Protestant). They raised us with virtually no religion. My father was not observant, even though he came from a large family that was. My mother was a very liberal, ‘free thinking’ woman who dispensed with religion entirely. We were left to find our own way. I have found that my Jewish friends do not consider me Jewish because my mother was not Jewish. And before I married and changed my name (my husband is Christian) Christian people thought of me as Jewish since I had a Jewish surname and my father was Jewish. So, where does that leave a person like me? Also, why is it that the mother’s being Jewish is so important within Jewish law?”

Dear Karen: Identity and affiliations are very personal matters. You are the only one who can determine for yourself which heritage, culture, religion and tradition you wish to follow and observe. If you wish to be Jewish, then there are specific steps which you must take in order to be Jewish. First, find yourself a teacher, a rabbi who you like and with whom you feel comfortable.

Second, study: Learn about Judaism and make sure that this is the path you feel comfortable with. Finally, you will need to convert to Judaism or go through a ritual that welcomes you into the family of the Jewish people. A good rabbi will be able to guide you through this process, if this is what you wish to do. Otherwise, you are a woman with a Jewish father and a Christian mother who is, as yet, unaffiliated with either religious heritage.

Jews do not proselytize. We want every person to find meaning and joy in who they are. We want Jews to be good Jews. We hope that Christians will be good Christians. We hope that Jews will find meaning in our ancient and contemporary heritage and, likewise, we hope that Christians and others find meaning in their own cultures and religions. If a person is interested in becoming Jewish, then that person needs to find a teacher and study for about a year. Only then will we sponsor that conversion, based on an informed and educated decision.

Today, traditional Jews (Orthodox and Conservative) require that the mother be Jewish in order for the child to be Jewish. Our religion is passed on through the mother (matrilineal descent) because the child’s mother is certainly known and because the mother most often conveys a sense of spirituality to her children. For modern Jews (Reform and Reconstructionist), our religion is passed on to the child if at least one parent is Jewish and if the child is raised as a Jew. All Jews feel that a Jewish upbringing is essential in order to pass on our unique culture and traditions, though we differ regarding strictly matrilineal descent or either matrilineal or patrilineal descent.

Jews in America live in a very integrated society. Intermarriages are more common then they were in the past. “Fiddler on the Roof” is a wonderful Jewish movie depicting the struggles of Old World Jews faced with New World changes.

As a rabbi at a university, I meet more and more students who were raised by only one Jewish parent and who are now facing their own challenges and struggles about their identity. We Jews are a very small minority both nationally (2 percent) and worldwide (0.2 percent). Maintaining our culture in families who are either intermarried or are very secular, nonreligious or uninterested in their Jewish heritage is extremely difficult.

One never knows how the future will play out. Our destiny is certainly an unknown. Judaism blooms in places where it was once extinguished. Today in Russia and in Poland, there is, on a small scale, a resurgence of people who are reconnecting with their Jewish roots, which were severed during the Holocaust of World War II. I sometimes see this in individuals who realize that one of their grandparents was Jewish and that they always felt Jewish but were never raised Jewishly.

Our identities are ours to decide. We live in a society that values personal choice. My hope as a rabbi is that Jews will find meaning and joy in our own unique culture and heritage and will choose to carry on our beautiful traditions.

Rabbi Barry Krieger is the rabbinic facilitator for the Hillel organization at the University of Maine in Orono. He may be reached at bkrieger56@aol.com. Voices is a weekly commentary by five Maine columnists who explore issues affecting spirituality and religious life.