But you still need to activate your account.
In theaters
MR. 3000, directed by Charles Stone III, written by Eric Champnella, Keith Mitchell and Howard Gould, 104 minutes, rated PG-13.
The new movie “Mr. 3000” is a minor league film about major league baseball.
In it, Bernie Mac is Stan Ross, an arrogant, self-worshipping first baseman for the Milwaukee Brewers whose enormous talent is only matched by his enormous ego. Cold and unlikable, his swagger so exaggerated, it’s surprising he doesn’t break a hip each time he takes to the field. Ross is on the verge of becoming one of the sport’s greatest players when he hits his 3,000th hit in the midst of a pennant race.
Happy with his achievement but no team player, Ross promptly quits, thus leaving the Brewers in a lurch and fans in a fume.
Not that he cares – like Pete Rose, he’s the sort of guy who would sacrifice his team for his own ambition and profit. Besides, as far as Ross is concerned, he’s the stuff of legend, so golden that he’s a shoo-in for baseball’s Hall of Fame.
Flash-forward nine years. Now the owner of a cheesy strip mall featuring a bevy of Mr. 3000 stores, Ross is suddenly faced with some mixed news. He is indeed being considered for inclusion in the Hall of Fame, but an accounting error has proved that Mr. 3000 actually hit only 2,997 times in his career. Now, at age 47, he’ll need to sign again with the Brewers and earn three more hits if he’s to ensure his placement in baseball history.
Out of shape and out of practice, he naturally must learn a little humility along the way. More difficult for Ross is that he also will need to eat his share of crow when the media descend to scrutinize his every move, which proves to be flawed.
As directed by Charles Stone III (“Drumline”) from a script by Eric Champnella, Keith Mitchell and Howard Gould, “Mr. 3000” has its moments, but it falls short of the sharp satire it could have been in the right hands and, worse, it’s not as funny as Mac’s popular television show on Fox, “The Bernie Mac Show,” which it should have trumped.
The problem isn’t Mac, a fearless, gifted comic, but how the story gradually softens his edge and his spontaneity. Occasionally, those qualities do surface, such as when Ross yanks a ball out of a child’s hand, which is wonderfully cruel, or when he spars with his former flame, ESPN sportscaster Mo Simmons (Angela Bassett), who doesn’t trust him. Unfortunately, they don’t come often enough.
What you want here is a movie that respects the game while taking on the star athletes who profit ridiculously from it. You want egos to be bashed, emotional blood to be spilled, comeuppance for all that’s gone wrong with a game that’s now more about money than it is about baseball itself. Since Mac stars, you also expect to laugh throughout the bruising. You get half that movie – and not one whose heart is fully in it.
Grade: C+
On video and DVD
HOME ON THE RANGE, written and directed by Will Finn and John Sanford, 76 minutes, rated PG.
At the Little Patch of Heaven farm, where bossy bovines, chickens, pigs and roosters exist in vegetarian harmony, life is about to become a big patch of manure if Pearl, the sweet widow who bought the farm, can’t hold onto it.
Unfortunately for Pearl (Carole Cook), she doesn’t have the $750 needed to keep the farm from bank foreclosure. It’s a situation that has everyone here in a cluck, particularly cows Grace (Jennifer Tilly) and Mrs. Caloway (Judi Dench), who agree to form ties with the farm’s abrasive new cow-three-time prize-winner Maggie (Roseanne Barr) – in an effort to retain the farm and keep all as is.
That’s the setup for Disney’s animated “Home on the Range,” which never really breaks free from the barn. After the success of the superior “Finding Nemo” and “Brother Bear,” which engaged audiences with rich stories and strong animation, “Home on the Range” is so curiously flat, it probably wouldn’t even appeal to PETA.
What’s missing from the movie other than consistent laughs is a formidable villain to give the film a shot of tension. Remember when Disney’s villains were just evil enough to cause a measure of dread? Not so for a while – and certainly not so here.
In this case, we’re saddled with Alameda Slim (Randy Quaid), a wild-eyed cattle rustler and land baron who steals steers through yodeling hypnosis and then, when the farm he rips off goes bankrupt, buys it on the cheap at the foreclosure hearing.
Maggie, Grace and Mrs. Caloway are on to him, as is the rambunctious horse, Buck (Cuba Gooding Jr., high strung and no good as usual). Together, they put up a fight to stop Slim from getting fat off poor Pearl.
Barr is the one saving grace in “Range” – she’s having more fun than anyone here. But the script, which lets her down time and again in spite of her caustic, snappy delivery, doesn’t do its part to support her. Instead, it comes perilously close in turning this moo into a boo.
Grade: C-
Christopher Smith is the Bangor Daily News film critic. His reviews appear Mondays and Fridays in Style, 5:30 p.m. Thursdays on WLBZ 2 Bangor and WCSH 6 Portland, and are archived at RottenTomatoes.com. He may be reached at BDNFilm1@aol.com.
The Video/DVD Corner
Renting a video or a DVD? NEWS film critic Christopher Smith can help. Below are his grades of recent releases in video stores. Those in bold print are new to video stores this week.
Against the Ropes ? D
Barbershop 2: Back in Business ? B+
Calendar Girls ? B+
Connie and Carla ? B
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights ? D
Dogville ? B
Ella Enchanted ? B
50 First Dates ? C+
Fog of War ? A
The Girl Next Door ? C+
Hellboy ? B
Hidalgo ? C
Home on the Range ? C-
House of Sand and Fog ? B+
The Human Stain ? D
In America ? A-
Jersey Girl ? C+
Johnson Family Vacation ? D
Kill Bill Vol. 2 ? B
The Ladykillers ? B+
The Last Samurai ? C
Laws of Attraction ? C-
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King ? A-
Lost in Translation ? A
The Magdalene Sisters ? A-
Man on Fire ? B
Mean Girls ? B+
Miracle ? B+
Monsieur Ibrahim ? B+
Monster ? A
New York Minute ? D
The Passion of the Christ ? B+
The Punisher ? C
Soul Plane ? D
Starsky & Hutch ? D
The Station Agent ? B+
Swimming Pool ? B+
Sylvia ? B-
Taking Lives ? C
13 Going On 30 ? B
The Triplets of Belleville ? A
The Whole 10 Yards ? F
Twisted ? D-
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