Setting the record straight about abuse toward men

As the executive director of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men (DAHM), I would like to clarify some misinformation that was put forth in the article, “Abused men’s group sues domestic violence group” (BDN, Sept. 17). Kimberly Roberts of the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence (MCEDV) states that representatives of the men’s helpline were mailed an application to join the coalition in the summer of 2002, but to her knowledge never returned it. She said that the group was never denied membership because it was never considered for membership.

We repeatedly requested, and continue to seek, an application for membership. Our last written communication from the director of MCEDV states, “the current criteria for membership in MCEDV required, organizations whose primary purpose is to provide a full range of services to battered women and their children. … As a result, membership in MCEDV is limited to nine multi-service domestic violence projects statewide.”

The MCEDV’s published “Minimum Criteria for Full Membership in the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence” states that, “A full member must demonstrate incorporation as an independent, nonprofit organization in the state of Maine, whose primary purpose is to provide services to battered women and their children.”

We fit their criteria in all ways except that our primary, but not exclusive, purpose is to help battered men and their children. MCEDV leaves us no choice other than court intervention.

Roberts also states, “… the organization [coalition] does not fund domestic violence agencies.” This lawsuit is not about receiving funding from the coalition, it is about membership, eligibility to apply for funding, and equality in rights of battered men and their children. All member organizations of the coalition enjoy “membership privileges,” as well as the benefit of having the support and easier access to available funding for domestic violence programs because of membership in the coalition.

Having been refused membership precludes the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men access to advantages and privileges enjoyed by the “nine multi-service domestic violence programs” in Maine. MCEDV denied our request for an application on the basis of battered men’s gender. The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men has never indicated that they expect the coalition to “fund” our organization.

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MCEDV’s member organizations enjoy the following benefits: The coalition’s work includes: providing services for victims of domestic abuse and their children; public education and school-based prevention programs; training for volunteers, professionals, and others; monitoring of batterers’ intervention programs; developing public policy and supporting legislation that protects and empowers victims of domestic violence and holds perpetrators accountable; and providing visibility and a voice to groups that have traditionally been silenced. It is ironic that MCEDV, by denying DAHM membership, silences DAHM and also the voices of battered men seeking the same or similar services extended the battered women.

It is obvious that being a member of a domestic violence coalition has many benefits. DAHM’s ability to secure federal and state funding and gain recognition and acceptance as a viable resource for domestic violence victims is extremely limited without the benefits and privileges that MCEDV provides to their members.

I agree with Roberts’ assertion that, “We have so many issues and challenges ahead of us, that it’s unfortunate that our time and energy has to be diverted from [what’s] important.” So why do they deny us membership instead of “… find[ing] ways to come together to use each other’s strengths”?

There is an overwhelming amount of research on domestic violence against women and a scarcity of research on domestic violence against men. Perhaps that is due in part to that fact that domestic violence coalitions, MCEDV in particular, do not keep data on male victims. Since they don’t keep data on male victims one can only assume that when they mention “549 men seeking assistance,” they must be talking about men who go through their many batterer’s intervention programs. Their focus is on women as victims and men as perpetrators of domestic violence. This statement is also misleading because it does not address how many of the “549 men seeking assistance” were turned away or denied services.

Finally, in response to Roberts’ statement: “The word ‘women’ is in our bylaws,” Roberts said. “It’s not meant to be exclusive but reflect the focus of the people we serve. That doesn’t mean it’s the only thing [member agencies do].” We say that’s great news. So then the coalition shouldn’t have any problem sending us an application and allowing us membership in their organization because after all “men” aren’t the only thing that we do. By the actions of the coalition, however, “not meant to be exclusive” certainly, by MCEDV practices, becomes exclusive.

Jan Brown of Harmony is executive director of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men.