Consumer advocacy is usually as enjoyable as banging your head against a wall, but sometimes it can be just plain fun, especially when you run into one of those telephone rip-off artists who is numb enough to provide some good, clean sport.

You almost have to feel sorry for the poor nitwit who, probably working from a list of Chamber of Commerce members, called Northeast COMBAT trying to sell “government surplus” office supplies. Pity the fool for not knowing he was calling a consumer organization.

“I’m with the U.S. Department of Commerce,” he announced proudly, then went on to claim his office was attempting to dispose of pens, pencils, and other supplies from government offices that had ordered too many. That part didn’t surprise us, since COMBAT is ever alert about the government’s often wasteful spending habits, but we still smelled a rat.

Our volunteers are trained to “play dumb” and try to get as much information as possible when we receive telemarketing offers, so COMBAT caseworker Robert kept the salesman on the phone for while. Robert expressed great concern.

“Wow,” he said, “my boss will kill me if I pass up an offer like this because we are ordering supplies for next year and a 50 percent discount is a heck of a deal!”

Robert went on to tell the caller that “the boss” was out for three hours and asked for a number so he could call back. The caller did not (for obvious reasons) want to share a return number, but Robert explained that COMBAT’s phones were constantly busy. Baiting the representative with the prospect of a large order, Robert was finally able to get the number, which turned out to be just outside Washington, D.C.

As soon as he hung up, Robert had a quick conference with COMBAT’s executive director, who told him to call the U.S. Department of Commerce investigations unit and report the incident, and the phone number.

Commerce said, “Go ahead, call them back in three hours and place an order so they won’t be suspicious, we will cover you.” We did so.

The next morning, Commerce called COMBAT back to report that they had obtained the address of a Silver Spring, Md., apartment to which the phone number was assigned and federal marshals were dispatched. Imagine the surprised faces when the marshals announced: “We represent the U.S. Department of Commerce and you don’t … and are you ever busted!” (Or words to that effect).

Commerce went on to report that they had been chasing these crooks for months for misrepresenting themselves as agents of government, but that they had regularly changed their address and phone numbers. COMBAT got a big thank you. It was all in a day’s work for Maine’s fraud fighters.

That was fun. But sometimes it is definitely NOT fun to be a consumer organization, especially when COMBAT has to rely on donations since it receives no state, federal or other funding and relies on volunteers rather than paid staff. And as consumers stream onto the Internet by the thousands, the problem is getting worse. So COMBAT is trying to raise $400,000 to increase its capacity to help the growing number of Maine people who are being ripped off by unethical out-of-state corporations.

To help the “Campaign for COMBAT,” mail a check (made out to COMBAT) to P.O. Box 1183, Bangor, ME 04402-1183. If everyone we have assisted in 32 years gave even a little, just imagine how many more people we could help. Gifts are tax deductible. Thanks.

Consumer Forum is a collaboration of the Bangor Daily News and Northeast COMBAT-Maine Center for the Public Interest, Maine’s membership-funded, nonprofit consumer organization. Individual membership, $25, business rates start at $125 (0-10 employees). For help and information write: Consumer Forum, Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04402-1329.