After seeing “Broadway Spirit of Christmas,” a touring holiday revue presented Sunday at the Maine Center for the Arts in Orono, my new favorite holiday song is “Rock Around the Clock” by Bill Haley and the Comets. And no Christmas will ever be the same again without ranch-whistling Argentine gaucho drummers in purple velvet ruffles and diamond rhinestones.

Sound much like Christmas to you?

Or what about the human-sized dancing penguins, mice, bears, chickens and elephants (those other well-known holiday icons)? And if you don’t associate Christmas with the Charleston swing step or with “Amazing Grace,” then there were always the tap-dancing alien women.

Produced by the same team as “Spirit of the Dance,” the Irish step-dancing knockoff from “Lord of the Dance,” “Broadway Spirit” was a similar panoply of familiar images packaged together for commercial resale. It was like buying a faux Louis Vuitton handbag at Wal-Mart.

“Broadway Spirit” did, indeed, deliver a bit of Broadway – “Memory” from “Cats,” “One” from “A Chorus Line,” and a medley from “42nd Street” – and a bit of Christmas – “Happy Holidays,” “Silent Night,” “Jingle Bells” – but mostly it had a lot of spirit. And a lot of repackaging. Think “The Lawrence Welk Show,” “Up with People,” “Hee Haw,” a cheerleading tournament and a kittenish showgirl act. Add headset microphones on each of the 20 or so dancers, and you’ve got the picture.

Sort of. The mikes were as artificial as the snow that fell from the ceiling during the finale of “White Christmas.” The music, including the singing, and even some of the tapping was canned. Only the soloists were live. Try though they may – and this corps gets A for effort – dancers in Santa-red dresses with white fur can’t turn “Barbara Ann” into a Christmas carol. Even with the smoke machine sending wafts of billowy clouds onstage.

It’s possible that the company, including its own technical staff, in only its second night of a four-week tour, was having its first off night, with missteps, a curtain prematurely closing on dancers at the end of the first half, erroneous music cues and tech crew members dashing around in the wings.

But it’s also true that those types of errors are more forgivable if the quality of the performance is first-rate. “Broadway Spirit” had a robotic feel to it, with a drill-team choreography more in the style of synchronized swimming than with Broadway or even Irish step-dancing.

Thank goodness the show’s producers included “We Need a Little Christmas” from “Mame.” After a show that felt more like “Star Search” than “O Holy Night,” no truer words could be spoken. Or sang. Or lip-synched.

Alicia Anstead can be reached at 990-8266 and aanstead@bangordailynews.net.