Singles can beat holiday loneliness

I have a confession to make.

When I was really young, I would wake up Christmas morning and silently wish that Santa left a present for me hidden in my closet. I won’t tell anyone, I remember thinking with my eyes squeezed shut.

It isn’t easy for young Jewish kids to understand the whole Christmas-Hanukkah thing. Even though we got our share of presents, it seemed like everyone was celebrating Christmas but us, and it got kind of lonely.

For single people there’s a similar feeling about being alone for the holidays. And it’s that time of year again, that crazy month between Thanksgiving and Christmas, when being by yourself can be lonely.

Holidays evoke all kinds of memories – whether good or bad – and when there’s no one to celebrate with, those memories can be even more focused. Maybe it’s your first holiday without a significant other, for whatever reason, or you’re alone again for what seems like the billionth time.

Maybe you’ve got the kids this year, and they want to know why Mom’s not celebrating with the rest of the family. Or maybe the kids are at their mother’s place, and you’re all alone.

Whatever the situation, know that in a way, you’re not by yourself. Feeling lonely around the holidays is actually very normal, said Dr. David Prescott, who sees this kind of thing every year in his position as the director of psychological services at Acadia Hospital in Bangor.

There are ways to deal with it, too. Prescott recommends to people alone on Thanksgiving Day that they do something like help out at Manna Inc., a nonprofit ministry located on Main Street in Bangor that feeds the less fortunate. Plus, volunteering is a great way to meet others, whether for dating or friendship (that’s me talking, not Dr. Prescott).

When it comes to Christmas, why not usher at the Penobscot Theater in Bangor for its holiday shows? That’s another recommendation from Dr. Prescott.

Those are specific suggestions, but you get the idea. There are plenty of ways to not be alone.

I have to admit, I’m lucky that I have a big family to visit for Thanksgiving, and I don’t see them often enough for things to get stressful, as Dr. Prescott said some visits home often do for his patients. But I have friends who don’t have such huge families. Last year while at my cousins’ house in Brooklyn, I took a few minutes to call a pal in Old Town I thought might be alone. He was surprised someone remembered, and the five-minute conversation made us both feel great.

Another confession: To this day I wake up on Christmas Day and feel a bit bummed out that I don’t have any family closer than four hours away and everybody but me is opening presents and eating a big dinner.

I’ve found a few ways to help myself through it.

Last year I threw a Christmas Eve party for some friends who I knew didn’t have anywhere else to go. Christmas Eve happened to coincide with one night of Hanukkah, so I did it up right, with candles and prayers and those gold-foil wrapped chocolate coins (bonus points for chocolate). It wasn’t only good for my guests who would have otherwise been alone. It was good for me, too, because I had some friends on hand to celebrate my holiday.

And for the past two Christmas mornings, I’ve actually gone to a local church where one of my best friends sings in the chamber choir. Sometimes I feel a bit squeamish when we get to the parts about Jesus, but at least I’ve spent the morning listening to beautiful music with a couple hundred other people. Even though they’re strangers, I don’t feel alone.

Jessica Bloch can be reached at jbloch@bangordailynews.net.