‘Heir’ show puts new spin on reality TV

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Addicted to “Desperate Housewives”?

In love with “Lost”?

Still stuck on “The Sopranos”?

Not me. My new favorite television show is “Love is in the Heir,” which is a reality show on the E! network.

Actually, you could say that “Love,” which follows the adventures of the Los Angeles-based Princess Ann Claire, is a combination of the three shows mentioned above.

Ann Claire, who according to the show’s Web site is the granddaughter of Princess Shams of the Pahlavi Dynasty, is desperate to be a housewife but is lost in a dream to become a country singer and is afraid her father will bump her off – as in, disinherit her – if she doesn’t find a husband soon.

That’s the gist of the show. And we get to watch Ann Claire, who is in her early 30s, and the various characters around her stumble and bumble while she looks for a suitable man (castle required) but really just wants a ticket to Nashville and her dopey trainer-boyfriend Richie.

Man, does Ann Claire (or Princess, as her self-absorbed, flaky assistant Michael often calls her) need help.

Now, Ann Claire is totally deluded about her prospects for a career as a country music singer and writer. She stinks. Really. I don’t care for country music, but I wouldn’t inflict her on my worst enemy.

But Ann Claire has a much bigger problem. Her parents, Prince Shahbaz and Beatrice Anne, who live in London, have put tons of pressure on her to find a suitable husband. You get the feeling they see Ann Claire as an embarrassment because she’s the oldest of three daughters and isn’t yet married.

It doesn’t help that her sister Mandana is engaged to a rich guy in London. Mandana disapproves of Ann Claire’s method of meeting men, which right now means using a matchmaker for millionaire singles.

Not many of us can associate with the millionaire aspect of it, but who hasn’t felt pressure from family to get married, have kids, or conform in some way?

“When my father calls me, for whatever reason, I fly into a complete state of panic,” she tells us before the prince checks in over the phone.

I actually felt bad for Ann Claire for a minute. Then I saw her behavior on her first date with a millionaire.

(Just an aside: Ann Claire goes to a spa for a facial the day of the date. What? I don’t know what kind of fancy education this woman had, but everyone knows you never, ever let someone pick at your face the day of a date. Hello, splotchy skin!)

Meanwhile, Princess’ limo driver pulls up in front of Jeff’s house. She sees his dogs and the infinity pool in his backyard.

“Things are looking good,” she says.

A few scenes later, Ann Claire and restaurant owner Jeff, who looks like a former surfer who has gone a little chubby, talk about character and soul.

“Those are the things that are really important to me,” Ann Claire tells him minutes after catching a glimpse of the pool.

I wonder if this guy would be up to family standards anyway. According to old newspaper articles I found, Ann Claire’s grandmother was the sister of the last shah of Iran. There’s no definite number on the family’s worth, but Princess Shams was named in a lawsuit brought by Iran, which claimed that the shah’s family took anywhere from $3 billion before fleeing the country decades ago. Jeff’s millions are the proverbial drop in the bucket.

Anyway, Ann Claire and Jeff have champagne and dinner; later she sings for him. He tries to smother his smile but gamely tells her, “It’s really nice.”

As Ann Claire gets up to leave, she drops the A-bomb of date faux pas.

“I had a good time … and if you want to marry me it would be good because then I could avoid being disinherited,” she tells him.

Seriously.

To his credit, Jeff keeps his composure, puts his hands in his pockets and laughs it off. Ann Claire is utterly shocked later in the episode to hear that Jeff doesn’t want a second date.

“I don’t handle rejection very well,” she tells us. “I tend to make up excuses, like, oh, maybe he just doesn’t like royalty, but in actual fact, maybe the truth is he just doesn’t like me.”

Ah, Ann Claire is starting to get it! There’s hope! She calls Richie, who she’s obviously crazy about! She’s ready to chuck her family’s billions for true love, right?

Um, no. As the two canoodle by her pool, she tells him she’s going to continue to date millionaires.

“I need Richie,” Ann Claire confesses to us. “I need somebody to love me and care for me. Maybe it’s just a temporary thing. Is that wrong?”

Yes, Princess. Yes.

Anyway, the ultra-snobby Mandana is schlepping out to L.A. this week to check up on her sister. In the previews, Richie gets drunk and dances around in his underwear.

Hey, it’s not my reality. I just like to watch.

Jessica Bloch can be reached at jbloch@bangordailynews.net.