The kitchen of our modest abode generally holds about as much interest for me as an auto parts store.

I go to the auto parts store when I need winter windshield wiper blades, but you don’t see me cruising the aisles on a regular basis to check out the latest brand of fuel additive.

Likewise with the kitchen.

I go there when I need to, such as to get my daily three-cup dose of caffeine or to get the kibble out of the cabinet to feed the dog.

See, I don’t cook. You can’t make me.

That doesn’t mean I can’t cook; it’s just that I don’t particularly want to.

I enjoy eating, but I would rather be the adoring and appreciative audience of a skilled chef than the toiler over the hot stove.

And fortunately, I don’t have to cook. My husband cooks – and cooks very well. More so, he enjoys it, as well as the fussing and fuming that go along with it. That’s another reason I stay out of the kitchen.

But something happens around the holidays. I find myself neurotically lured to double boilers and mixing bowls and ovens, as I am likewise lured to specific ingredients, such as dried fruit, nuts in all varieties, confectioners’ sugar, and of course, chocolate. Lots of chocolate.

Cookies hold no interest for me, except the annual batches of Viennese almond crescents I make for my dad for sentimental reasons. Otherwise, I think the cookie thing is rather plebian and way overdone.

Likewise with fruitcake, which, in my opinion, is for the sadists and the masochists out there.

It’s that holiday candy-and-nut thing that intrigues me, those simple, little, naughty recipes that evoke such pleasurable guilt every time we indulge – as we should, all holiday season long.

I do not create these recipes myself. I do not have that ability, though I must admit the thought of chocolate-dipped wasabi peas sounds interesting.

Sometime around September I start cruising the newspapers and the Internet for those tempting and alluring recipes, saving clippings and print-outs, some of which now are yellowed, stained and tattered with use.

Each recipe must have the right stuff. I have three criteria:

Minimal ingredients.

Minimal cooking.

Maximum ooh-ness, which I define as a combination of surprise and delight, as in “Ooh, that’s good!”

Thus, I have accumulated a unique collection of candy and nut recipes which I happily share with anyone who wants them. I am not selfish. Too much of a good thing, as Mae West said, is wonderful.

Sometime after Thanksgiving, the production begins.

Large quantities of almonds and walnuts are purchased from the large-quantity store; pounds of dried cherries, blueberries and cranberries are plucked from the natural food store; wagonloads of powdered cocoa and boxes of vanilla wafer cookies are hauled in. The liquor cabinet is emptied – for use in the candies, not in the chef.

Old tins are taken down from dusty shelves. Cookie sheets, rusted and worn, are removed from under vehicles in the garage. The oven is turned on. The double boiler rattles on the stove. Waxed paper is strewn over the counter.

Enslaved minions run to the store for missing ingredients, such as corn syrup, Saigon cinnamon and peanut butter.

The dog cowers, the cat hides, the bird lays an egg, the husband and son gasp in awe.

I enter the kitchen and begin to cook.

Here are three of my favorite holiday recipes, for which I can take no credit at all. The first, Tiger Butter, is a favorite on the Internet, where I found it. You can use either smooth or chunky peanut butter, but for goodness sakes, use real white chocolate, and not those vanilla chips, which will form a huge, gunky, unmoveable ball when heated in the microwave.

The recipe for Amaretto Balls is found in “The Fanny Farmer Cookbook,” where it is called Rum Balls. Leave out the rum, however, and replace it with Amaretto liqueur for a smooth, luscious treat. These get better if they can sit for a while. Try and let them sit for a while. It will be difficult.

And finally, I get asked for the Sweet and Spicy Almonds recipe more often than any other. It was first printed in Our Favorite Newspaper by Our Favorite Chef, Cheryl Wixson. It’s a killer.

Jeanne Curran is an assignment editor. She can be reached at 990-8211 and jcurran@bangordailynews.net.

Tiger Butter

1 pound white chocolate, in chips or bars

1/2 cup peanut butter

2/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Place white chocolate in 2-quart glass measure or bowl. Stirring midway through cooking, microwave on medium (50 percent) for 2-3 minutes or until melted.

Add peanut butter; microwave on high for 1 minute or until mixture is creamy when stirred.

Line a 2-quart rectangular pan with wax or parchment paper. Spread mixture evenly in pan.

Place chocolate chips in 1-cup glass measure. Microwave on medium for 2 minutes or until melted when stirred. Drizzle chocolate over mixture to make stripes. Use knife to swirl chocolate through mixture.

Let stand until firm or refrigerate to cool. Cut in squares or break up.

Amaretto Balls

2 cups vanilla wafer crumbs, rolled fine or ground

1 cup finely chopped coconut

1 cup confectioner’s sugar

2 tablespoon cocoa

2 tablespoon white corn syrup

1/3 cup Amaretto liqueur

Mix well. Shape by teaspoonfuls into balls. Roll in confectioners’ sugar or cocoa. Store.

Sweet and Spicy Almonds

2 cups whole raw almonds

1 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter

1 1/2 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoon firmly packed light brown sugar

1/2 teaspoon cayenne

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1 teaspoon salt

In a heavy saucepan, cook the nuts in the butter on moderate heat, stirring constantly for about 2 minutes.

In a small bowl, whisk together the sugars, peppers and salt. Sprinkle over the nuts and continue to cook, stirring constantly, until the sugar caramelized, about 8 minutes.

Transfer the nuts to a sheet of foil and cool completely.

Break the nuts apart and store in a tin.