Maine mom who lost son offers advice on dealing with sorrow

WINSLOW – The mother of one of the first Mainers to die during the battle to liberate Iraq from the rule of Saddam Hussein would give family and friends grieving from the loss of soldiers a hug. And then she would listen.

“I would say nothing,” she said. “I would just hug them and listen, that’s all, because no matter what anyone says to you, it isn’t comforting. The words aren’t what you need. You just need to sense that someone is feeling your pain.”

Chamberlain knows that pain.

Her son, Marine Maj. Jay Thomas Aubin, was killed when his helicopter went down near the Iraqi border. Another Mainer, Marine Cpl. Brian Matthew Kennedy, died in the crash.

Twenty-one months later, Chamberlain finds herself wanting to help the families suffering from loss.

On Thursday, she talked about how she coped with her son’s death and what people can do to help grieving families.

Taking one day at a time, having faith and letting the feelings come are important, Chamberlain said. She said those who are grieving shouldn’t feel that they have to be strong for someone else.

“It took me a whole year before I began to feel, and I thought something was wrong with me,” she said. “This has really taken its toll.”

The support Chamberlain received after her son’s death was tremendous, she said. She has three large file boxes – all catalogued and organized – that are full of cards and small gifts from people who offered their support.

But after a time, the phone calls and letters started to peter out, and people began to naturally go about their lives.

“After a while you think, does anybody remember besides us?” she said.

That is when it is important for people to make a phone call to a widow or parent, she said.