The world has lost another great elder. I am mourning and very much saddened. And yet my life is richer. How is that possible?

But I feel in my heart it is so. Philip S. Reisman died on Dec. 11. Precious few readers of this newspaper knew him. He was not a public figure, not a great leader by customary standards, not a war hero, not a sports icon, or a music legend. He died quietly at the age of 95 at his residence in Dirigo Pines with loving family and caregivers by his side.

Elders achieve greatness in countless ways. In part they do it through material and personal accomplishment. They lead nations and manage industry. But in the overall scheme of things I would argue that these and similar such achievements are ultimately poor standards against which to define human greatness at the end of the life span.

Rather, it is the emotional, social and familial legacy left by the long lived that is remembered and cherished over the long term by those dear to them. It is these affective qualities that contribute most to shaping the quality of the lives of those who survive these individuals. Instrumental accomplishments pale next to the nurturing and supportive role elders have played throughout history and continue to play in our families and our lives, especially those who have led by example, been principled, loved deeply, been generous and caring, and directed such efforts consistently toward their families, friends and communities.

Philip Reisman, while not without fault, displayed all these caring qualities. That you may not have known Philip is irrelevant because no doubt many of you, if you have been blessed, have sweet memories of men and women just like him. So many older men and women dear to our hearts, namely parents, grandparents, and others, have gifted us with precious memories, especially those individuals who can lay claim to having led exceedingly humane lives. By so doing they have made the lives of those crossing their paths during their living years measurably richer. Still other older adults continue today to lead memorable lives and accordingly make the lives of family, friends, neighbors and those around them that much more meaningful.

Don’t misunderstand me. Philip was a skilled physician and surgeon, respected by many. He was engaged in the work he loved well into his 80s and he was superb at his craft. But in my eyes that expertise and those workplace accomplishments pale in comparison to what Philip offered as a dedicated father and grandfather, a generous philanthropist, and civil human being.

I have not always valued the import of affective expression and certainly was not inclined, until recently, to elevate it in status beyond that of professional accomplishment. But then, I was not always close to Philip. That was my loss to be sure. For me that experience has contributed significantly to a personal transformation in values.

In the last few months of his life I was blessed with the opportunity to get close – to share my feelings, to care for him, to express my love. I am so very grateful for that opportunity and his willingness to accept my expressions of affection. And Phil, frail and incapacitated, restricted to bed, reciprocated, caring for me and expressing his love openly and honestly.

His failing health was no barrier whatsoever to his ability to display that love to me and all those around him. That was Phil’s character shining through. And it shown through to the last breath of air he took. In the aftermath, those who remembered him spoke without fail of the quality of his character, his humanity and his caring soul. As I can remember, no one referred to his surgical skills, his administrative acumen, or the fact that he was a reliable breadwinner. Let this be a lesson learned by all of us. I know it has been one he taught me.

During the holiday season, more than ever, take a moment to reflect on the lives of the great family elders and significant others living into advanced old age that have touched you deeply and meaningfully and take solace in the many ways these individuals have enriched your lives and the lives of others. And don’t be disappointed that those individuals may not be world leaders, sports heroes or Nobel Prize winners. In fact know that those accomplishments are just artifacts to perhaps be recorded in a book of history but not to be indelibly etched in the hearts and souls of those individuals they touched deeply.

Elders are the precious glue that holds our communities together; the lifeblood that galvanizes our families from one generation to the next in good times and bad. All families and communities are blessed to have them. Never take them for granted.

Dr. Lenard W. Kaye is director of the Center on Aging, and a professor in the School of Social Work at the University of Maine.