In theaters

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, directed by Joel Schumacher, written by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Schumacher, based on the novel by Gaston Leroux, 143 minutes, rated PG-13.

It had to happen – people were clamoring for it to happen – so here it is, the music of the trite.

Joel Schumacher’s decadent, unabashedly over-the-top movie version of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s equally audacious “The Phantom of the Opera,” is now reverberating like a cowbell through theaters. It’s about as far removed from Rupert Julian’s 1925 silent classic as it could be, but that’s no surprise. So goes the culture.

As written by Schumacher and Webber, this ripe, molten bodice-ripper features sets so heroically lavish, they often do the movie a favor, detracting from the muddy lip-synching, Webber’s intrusive, repetitious score, the awkward way the characters weave in and out of song and dialogue – often mid-sentence – and the shaky structure that frames this bastardization of Gaston Leroux’s story.

While no fan of “Phantom” will go to the movie seeking subtlety or nuance, even the most die-hard aficionados might be struck dumb by the sheer level of the crescendo and camp Schumacher achieves here. Indeed, there are moments when the movie is brought to such a heaving, crashing pitch, it seems as if the roof might blow off the movie house. Restraint is forbidden here – hell, restraint is damned into submission – so parts of the movie naturally offer up guilty moments of jaw-dropping fun.

But only parts. Beginning in 1919 but set mostly in 1870, the film follows the mysterious phantom of the Paris Opera Populaire (Gerard Butler), a disfigured, caped cellar dweller who covets beautiful young Christine (Emmy Rossum) through a glass darkly, though she doesn’t know it.

A talented soprano, Christine is on the verge of falling in love with the wealthy Vicomte Raoul de Chigny (Patrick Wilson) when the Phantom, in a jealous snit, decides to make a pest of himself. He kidnaps Christine, he drops a chandelier on an audience when it suits him, he murders men at will, he beats his chest with brio – and, in the process, he helps to make Christine a star. He’d be perfect in the wrestling world of the WWE.

Throughout, the performances are as uneven as the music. Butler’s Phantom looks good behind the mask, but his voice can’t soar into the stratosphere asked of it. Rossum is a highlight, possessing the sort of presence that suggests she’ll do fine as her career extends into better movies. Less promising is Wilson, who is too dull and generic to ignite a fire with Rossum, and Miranda Richardson as Madame Giry, who is saddled with the sort of thick, rubbery old-age makeup that looks as if they dipped her face in pancake batter and decided to call it good.

That said, you have to hand it to Minnie Driver as the Italian diva, Carlotta. In an effort to give the movie a measure of life, Driver throws herself to the wolves with the sort of raw, jumpy performance that would have suggested counseling is in her future if it weren’t obvious she was having so much fun. Her approach to the material is just right. Why try to be sane in a production so obviously insane? Here, she exists purely to mince, pout, scream, claw. Some will be grateful for the effort.

Grade: C

On video and DVD

CELLULAR, directed by David Ellis, written by Chris Morgan, 94 minutes, rated PG-13.

David Ellis’ “Cellular” is a preposterous, winning joke. In spite of its plot holes, its lapses in logic and its occasional line of cement dialogue, what makes it work are the elements that come together to create a satisfying snap – the game cast and the terrific chase scenes, the handful of clever twists, Ellis’ savvy balance of humor, drama and tension, and its cutting comment on our cell phone-obsessed culture.

In the film, Kim Basinger is Jessica Martin, a teacher who gets brutally abducted by a handful of angry hoods who manhandle her from her home, shoot her maid in the back (the cowards), take Jessica to an unknown locale and toss her into an attic.

There, just behind her on a wooden post, is a phone that’s quickly smashed apart by the lead kidnapper (Jason Statham). After threatening to kill her for reasons unclear to Jessica, he leaves her in the attic, where she eventually is drawn to the faint sound of a buzzing dial tone.

Feverishly, Jessica starts twisting wires and tapping for a connection – any connection – until she gets one. Soon, she’s pleading with a complete stranger, slacker Ryan (Chris Evans), on his cell phone. If Jessica can somehow convince him that she has indeed been kidnapped by a group of men who now are out to get her son and husband, it will be Ryan’s day to shine.

What’s impressive about “Cellular” isn’t just its blistering pace, but how many layers director Ellis and screenwriter Chris Morgan mine from its thin premise. The underused Basinger is vulnerable yet no fool as Jessica, William H. Macy as Sgt. Bob Mooney proves again that he can step into any role and make it memorable, and the relatively unknown Evans has just the right likable energy to become a star.

So, here’s to Ellis – a lifetime’s worth of unlimited, anywhere minutes for his trouble.

Grade: B+

Christopher Smith is the Bangor Daily News film critic. His reviews appear Mondays and Fridays in Style, 5:30 p.m. Thursdays on WLBZ 2 Bangor and WCSH 6 Portland, and are archived at RottenTomatoes.com. He may be reached at BDNFilm1@aol.com.

THE VIDEO/DVD CORNER

Renting a video or a DVD? NEWS film critic Christopher Smith can help. Below are his grades of recent releases in video stores. Those capped and in bold print are new to video stores this week.

A Home at the End of the World – B+

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy -B+

The Bourne Supremacy – B

CATWOMAN – B-

CELLULAR – B+

The Chronicles of Riddick – C-

The Clearing – C+

Collateral – B+

THE COOKOUT – C-

Dawn of the Dead – A-

The Day After Tomorrow-B

De-Lovely – B

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story – B

Elf – B+

Ella Enchanted – B

Envy – D

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – A-

Fahrenheit 9/11 – A-

Fog of War – A

THE FORGOTTEN – D

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS – B+

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – A-

Hero – B+

I, Robot – B+

Kill Bill, Vol. 2 – B

King Arthur – B

The Manchurian Candidate – B+

Man on Fire – B

Mean Girls – B+

Napoleon Dynamite – B+

Open Water – A-

Paparazzi – D-

Shaun of the Dead – B+

Shrek 2 – B

Spider-Man 2 – A

The Stepford Wives – C

Super Size Me – C-

The Terminal – D

The Triplets of Belleville – A

Troy – C-

The Village – D+