Parents struggle with son’s decision to join military

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POLAND – Patricia McGillivary protested the Vietnam War. She opposed the U.S. invasion of Iraq. And when her 17-year-old son began talking about joining the U.S. Marines, she fought that as well.

McGillivary always believed that her son, Curtis Haslip, would attend college after graduating from Poland Regional High School, where he is a senior and achieves good grades.

When she heard of her son’s plans, she was heartbroken. And when she met his recruiter, a square-shouldered sergeant named Brian Brown, she argued with him for more than an hour.

“I respected him,” she said. “I respected that he was doing his job. My job as a mother was to tell him to buzz off.”

For the first time in a generation, young people are joining the armed forces with the knowledge that they may be sent to war. And behind those recruits are their parents – who have the same knowledge that their children could be put in harm’s way.

While the Pentagon says military recruiting nationwide remains strong, recruitment has slowed to a crawl in Maine.

Sgt. Troy Stanley, who is in charge of recruiting all of Maine’s Marines, said young people who used to take a few days to decide whether to enlist now take weeks. The ones who took weeks now take months.

A few parents want to vent, Stanley said. Some want to know if their son or daughter will be sent to war. Many just want to talk with an informed person.

“Everything’s slower,” Stanley said. “More so nowadays than ever, recruiting concerns the parents.”

With a new generation of wartime parents, the military has begun campaigns aimed at winning the hearts and minds of moms and dads.

The Marines and the Army, for instance, have added sections to their recruiting Web sites to answering parents’ questions. They include details about service life and testimonials from proud parents who talk about their children’s growth.

The military knows that if parents are upset, it can upset the young person who is contemplating enlistment.

“It’s important that each recruit feels comfortable with his or her decision,” Stanley said. “So, we answer every question parents ask.”

For Curtis Haslip, it was his uncertainty with his future that led to his joining the Marines.

“I’m not ready to decide what kind of career I’m going to do,” he said.

The military seemed like a place to figure that out. And it seemed right for him; he was a patriotic kid.

Curtis and a friend who were teammates on Poland Regional High School’s football team began attending monthly meetings for Marine recruits and those interested in joining.

Curtis took the military’s version of the SAT, the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery test. And he searched inside himself.

“I took a real gut check,” Curtis said.

Meanwhile, he began dropping hints to his mother and father that he might not do what they expected.

After learning of Curtis’ plans, his parents met with Sgt. Brown, the Marine recruiter who works at a recruiting office in Auburn. For their meeting, they sat in the bleachers during one of Curtis’ high school football games in Rumford.

Curtis’ father, Richard Haslip, said he and Curtis’ mother had no idea their son had talked to a recruiter until just a few days earlier. The news came as the war had taken a turn for the worse, and they imagined that Curtis was in over his head.

“Patty was really angry, worried that they had fast-talked Curtis,” Richard Haslip said.

Bit by bit, Brown eased their worries.

They talked about the war in Iraq, where Brown had served. They talked about the preparations Curtis would need to make before going to boot camp this July. They talked about Brown’s own background and service.

“He was actually a nice young man,” Richard Haslip said. “I sensed that he was really talking from the heart when he talked about wanting to watch over Curtis.”

It began the parents’ journey toward understanding their son’s goals.

“I’m not at peace,” said Richard Haslip. “But I’m resigned to it.”