Alice Rush, 69, had big plans. She informed her daughter, Mary, for whom she worked, that she would be taking the summer off with the intention of spending more time with her granddaughters. That was in May 2003.

Alice had cold symptoms that she simply couldn’t shake, which led her to seek medical attention. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in July 2003 and passed away a month later.

While dealing with her own grief, Mary was very concerned about her daughters.

“Mom was my primary caregiver. If my kids weren’t with me, they were with her,” said Mary. “We even moved in with her and cared for her when she got sick. She was an integral part of the kids’ lives, so it was like having a parent die.”

Mary had read about Pathfinders, a program of Bangor Area Visiting Nurses and Hospice of Eastern Maine, in the Weekly and wondered if it would help her girls.

Pathfinders is a support group for grieving children. A child’s grief may be revisited as each new stage of development is reached, said Linda Boyle, program coordinator for Pathfinders. If the grief is left unresolved, it can interfere with the child’s other relationships and performance in school and even undermine normal emotional growth, she said.

The group meets weekly for 10 weeks each spring and fall. Children who have suffered a loss come together to share “feelings and experiences with others, in groups their own age, through stories, games, art work, playtime and other activities,” said Boyle. “It is not a sad or depressing place, even when there are tears. It is a healing environment, and the kids are very accepting of each other because they know they are all there for the same reason.”

The program is facilitated by volunteers who have had intensive training. Families who have suffered a loss and are interested in joining Pathfinders first must meet with Boyle to determine their needs. There is a fee of $50 per family for the session. Limited scholarships are available in the case of hardship. Each children’s group is divided by age and has up to 10 participants.

Pathfinders did make the difference for her daughters that Mary hoped it would.

“My oldest, Samantha, who’s 14, told a friend at school that her grandmother died, and the friend shared that her goldfish had recently died,” said Mary. “Sam was furious that her grandmother would be put in the same category as a fish and that it was different at Pathfinders because people understand there. My younger daughter, Kassidy, 11, said ‘I can think about Nana now and I don’t cry.’ That is thanks to the program. They have a safe and consistent place to express their feelings.”

Oftentimes children need to hear that it is all right to be angry with the person who died, or that they are not crazy if they hear their deceased parent’s voice in their heads, said Boyle.

“There is usually a lot of anger in the 9- to 11-year-olds,” she said. “And that’s OK. There is no set way to facilitate the groups, so each facilitator decides what activities are best, based on what the specific children need. The 9-to-11 group generally does things with lots of movement to get the anger out. The facilitators are there for boundaries and to be a guide and to give reinforcement to the children.”

While the children are participating in their groups, the parents are engaged as well, as there are simultaneous meetings for adults. And for Mary, it was a chance to help herself, while helping her children.

“I could see the progression I myself had made in Pathfinders because I met someone there who was where I used to be [emotionally], and I could actually see how I had worked through it,” she said.

And families are working through the situation together.

“It’s like a family night out at the grief support group,” said Boyle.

For more information about Pathfinders, call Linda at 973-8269.

Carol Higgins is director of communications at Eastern Agency on Aging. For information on EAA, call 941-2865 or e-mail info@eaaa.org.