Editor’s note: For this week’s column, ShopGirl has teamed up with ShopCrone, a k a NEWS assignment editor Jeanne Curran, who has a passion for fashion, shopping channels, and all things Parisian.

ShopCrone: Ah, midwinter and the thoughts of virgins and faux virgins turn to wandering down church aisles in search of permanent partners.

The fashion tomes are full of bridal stuff these days in anticipation of the annual June-to-August marital mayhem. Picking out one’s bridal gown these days, it seems, has become more important than picking out one’s spouse.

Amid all of this, ShopCrone has a wedding whine: What’s all this with strapless wedding gowns? Do brides these days think they are going to the nuptial equivalent of their high school prom? Do they all have to look like bread dough falling out of a pillowcase? Is ShopCrone just an old fashion poop?

ShopGirl: Well, the times they are a-changin’, especially when it comes to fashion and mores. My (extremely conservative) high school friend recently wore a strapless to her church wedding and she looked resplendent. I think, when done tastefully, a bare shoulder looks just right.

That said, one of the most amazing dresses I saw in the bridal magazines was a strapless sheath covered with a floor-length lace jacket for the church portion of the wedding. The bride took it off for the reception. Then there’s Cathy, the comic-strip character whom I figured would never marry. She wore a strapless. Of course, she also brought a dog down the aisle, but I digress.

And the bread dough analogy? That’s just a case of poor fit – like love handles in low-rise jeans. Ugh.

ShopCrone: Oooh, now there’s a vision to contemplate, enough to send one into fashion apoplexy. ShopCrone hasn’t worn low-rise jeans for a long time, if ever. Her love handles look more like a rubber inner tube.

I like the idea of a jacket over a strapless wedding dress, though. A bride can then look modest for her wedding and sexy for the reception. I just can’t help thinking, however, that too many maidens want the package unwrapped way before Christmas.

Now when ShopCrone was a winsome lass, she wore a long-sleeved, full-length, lace-covered wedding dress, with a small, attached capelet, in the full heat of August in the middle of New York City.

As she and her beloved ShopCrone Hubby enjoyed their first dinner together as newlyweds, he turned to her and sweetly told her how moved he was to see the tears running down her face as they walked down the aisle together.

“Those weren’t tears, honey” ShopCrone said, ever willing to dispel romantic illusions. “That was sweat.”

ShopGirl: You’re making my case easy, SC. We get three months of thaw here. Shouldn’t we be able to revel in it? Should our shoulders not be able to soak up the sun? And should our gowns be stained with sweat in the name of modesty? I think not. Even my Catholic grandmother wouldn’t want it that way. And trust me, she’s all about keeping the gifts wrapped before Christmas, if you know what I mean.

ShopCrone: Speaking of gift wrap, did you read about what Melania nee Knauss, now Mrs. The Donald No. 3, wore for her nuptials? A $200,000 Christian Dior dress – strapless, of course – weighing more than 50 pounds, with a 13-foot-long train.

One report I heard said the darn thing was so heavy that it had a support underdress to keep it up, probably made of prestressed concrete and steel girders, given the bridegroom’s penchant for high-rise real estate.

Unwrapping is one thing, but having to use a jackhammer and welding torch is something else!

ShopGirl: The dress may have weighed more than the bride. But I digress.

Mrs. Trump is a model, so of course she looked stunning. She could’ve worn a rucksack and looked like a million (or a billion, as the case may be).

Therein lies the larger issue. It’s not a matter of strapless or full-coverage. It’s a matter of a bride knowing her figure and working with – not against – it. Of course a buxom babe in a strapless is going to look like bread dough in a pillowcase. Just as a puffy princess gown would overwhelm a waifish gal.

Even the most modest dress can look indecent if it’s straining on a bride’s ample bustline or hips. Has Fabio not taught you anything?

If you put a woman in a dress that fits her perfectly and complements her figure, there’s no way she can go wrong. She’ll always look elegant, tasteful, and, I dare say, virginal.

Tips for savvy bridal shoppers

Shocking as it may seem, having a gown custom-made can often save brides money. And it can be the perfect solution for petites and plus-sizes, who often have a hard time buying ?off the rack.? Check with a local seamstress.

If you hate to browse, plenty of places offer one-stop shopping. For example, at The Henry?s bridal boutique in Bangor, you can buy your dress, your bridesmaids? dresses, rent tuxes for the guys, and get a limo, too, all without leaving the building.

Always make an appointment to try on dresses, especially if you?re shopping out of town. That way, you?re sure to get one-on-one attention from sales staff, and your trip won?t be wasted.

Even if your budget is astronomical, don?t feel compelled to let the sales staff know this. The bridal industry is an industry, after all.

Secondhand or vintage dresses are much less expensive than new, if you can deal with the fact that you?re not the first and only woman to wear The Gown. Check out the selection of new and used gowns at very reasonable prices at Vintage Finery in Orrington.

If you?re on a budget, there are two easy ways to save cash. Scrimp on your shoes ? your dress is so long that no one is going to see them anyway. Also, have your veil made for you. Tulle costs about $2 a yard, yet most veils cost between $50 and $100. If you want something simple, this is definitely the way to go.

I know I?m going to have plenty of angry bridal boutique owners chastising me for this, but it hasn?t failed for me yet, and I?ve been doing this for years. Bridesmaids: when you call in your measurements for your dress, subtract an inch all around. You won?t end up with the standard too-big-bridesmaid dress. In fact, you may not need to have your dress altered at all.

Brides, relax. Enjoy this fun time of planning. It will all turn out beautifully.