Think about your best friend. It’s most likely a very special relationship that you cherish. I am sure you treat each other with the utmost kindness and respect born at the deepest cockles of your heart. Nothing less would befit these closest of ties.

I remember being in probably fifth grade with my still-current best friend, Debbie. She often had butterscotch chocolate-chip brownies with lunch. Somehow I managed to separate her from her home-baked dessert on a regular basis. It is no small wonder that in high school she was a size 5 and I a size 16. (Okay 18.)

But this is neither a tale of childhood friendship nor my shameless methods to score brownies, but a story of the kinship between best friends and the benefits it brings to both parties.

The Best Friends approach, used in dealing with Alzheimer’s patients, is similar to the approach one would take in dealings with a good friend.

“This is a social model of training for people who care for or work with people with Alzheimer’s disease or related dementia,” said Val Sauda, director of outreach at Eastern Agency on Aging. “It is based on the premise of friendship mode instead of treating the person with Alzheimer’s as a patient or just seeing the disease instead of the person as an individual. It is about meeting them on their specific level, wherever that might be. It is about accentuating the value and worth of the persons with Alzheimer’s.”

In the extremely informative and easy to read book, “The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care,” Virginia Bell and David Troxel explain the most effective way to handle the effects of the disease from the caregiver standpoint.

The book outlines the “elements of friendship and Alzheimer’s care” as these things relate to each other.

For example, friends do things together. The Best Friends approach encourages the same type of interaction between the caregiver and the person with Alzheimer’s. The difference is the chosen activity. While two friends may go to the movies and spend quality time together, the person with Alzheimer’s could help the caregiver clean the kitchen. This fosters togetherness.

The caregiver also may build self-esteem by telling a loved one what a good job he or she did tidying the kitchen. Even when things are tough, a compliment can raise spirits.

Offering encouragement, engaging in laughter – which often is the best medicine – and really listening to the person with Alzheimer’s, even if it is through carefully watching body language, can improve the relationship.

Just as best friends celebrate special occasions, so should the caregiver and the person with Alzheimer’s. Sometimes traditional celebrations such as wedding anniversaries and birthdays can bring back good memories.

“The Best Friends approach to caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease helps caregivers respond to situations that arise. It focuses on the strengths and abilities of that person, and incorporates a lot of the same things that are present in a good friendship,” said Gail Drasby, caregiver resource specialist at EAA.

Sauda agrees.

“The Best Friends approach is a wonderful tool for caregivers to use in the extremely stressful time of an Alzheimer’s diagnosis,” said Sauda. “This book and the associated seminars provide the caregivers with skills which can increase the level of communication with their loved one while reducing their own stress. I highly recommend the approach to anyone in this situation.”

There are workshops available for caregivers to learn more about implementing the Best Friend approach, and while currently none are being held in this area, we will schedule one if enough interest is generated. Call Eastern Agency on Aging for more information or to request that we hold a seminar.

There is no greater gift than friendship, especially when all seems lost. And the kinship of best friends can work miracles. … with or without brownies.

Carol Higgins is director of communications at Eastern Agency on Aging. For information on EAA, call 941-2865 or log on www.eaaa.org.