Disconnect foils fun of date scene in Castine

For a few days last week I felt like the most popular girl in the office. It seemed like I was getting an e-mail every couple of minutes. Yay, somebody likes me!

Except most of the e-mails I received last week came from students at Maine Maritime Academy in Castine.

Make that, female students at MMA who were in complete disagreement with the comments a few of their male counterparts made recently about the state of dating and the atmosphere of male-female relationships at the school.

So what prompted all these e-mails? I’ll give you the short version. I spent the evening in Castine, hanging out with my friend “Frank” and some of his friends. They told me the low ratio of women to men at the school makes it tough to date, and they also feel the low number of female students at MMA gave the women some measure of control over the dating scene, a kind of love ’em and leave ’em situation.

I had a variety of responses, from current and former students, both male and female, friends of current and former students and even a parent or two. Although most of the e-mails I got disagreed with Frank and his friends, some of the writers felt the guys were right on.

Clearly, there is a huge disconnect between the genders down in Castine. No one likes the way they’re being treated by the opposite sex.

Most of the women who responded maintain that the MMA guys are at fault, too.

“Yes, there are some girls that do [date around] and that is just like any other school in the country,” wrote one current MMA female student-athlete, who asked that I not use her name. “At the same time … there are plenty of men both here at MMA as well as other schools that act the same way.”

And just what way is that?

“The guys get all hot and bothered when a new class of freshmen come into the school,” wrote Alaina Wallace, an MMA graduate who is dating a man she met at school. “But after they weed out who

is willing to go the mile and who isn’t, they do or don’t bother [dating them] depending on their collective research.”

Many of the women who wrote to me made the point that with the skewed ratio of men to women, the guys can get territorial.

“Some girls at this school may feel that they can do whatever they want, but the reality is that guys around here prey on females like hyenas after a carcass,” wrote a female student who also asked not to be named.

Many of the e-mails also mentioned the fact that women don’t go to MMA to find a husband and that dating isn’t a big deal to them. They’re there to work, study, play sports and find a job.

“As far as the girls who go from guy to guy at MMA, those girls are the same small group and a misrepresentation of the rest of the females,” current Maine Maritime student Jeff Bybee wrote. “The guy-hopping girls did not come here for a specific degree or goal in mind. They came here to feel wanted and after MMA there probably is no life for them.”

Indeed, I believe the concept of going to school for a “Mrs. Degree” is pretty outdated. But I also got e-mails from female students who admitted all the men on campus was a huge draw.

Several writers also refuted the guys’ claim that there are few actual couples at the school.

“I know plenty of couples here at MMA who have been together for over a year,” the student-athlete wrote. “One of my friends actually just got engaged. I also know of at least three couples that graduated over the past three years that have gotten married. So there is hope, you just need to know what [you’re] looking for.”

Still, not everyone was willing to stick up for the women. Among the e-mails that agreed with Frank and his friends – which was almost half of the letters that crossed my desk – one former female MMA student echoed the sentiments of some of the men.

“Basically everything you said about the girls is true,” she wrote. “We know we are ‘it’ and the guys are just going to have to deal with it … you called them out and now everybody knows their secret.”

Phew. Clearly, there are plenty of complaints from both sides.

By the time the students down at MMA read this, they’ll be busy getting ready for the summer cruise on the school’s State of Maine training vessel. Hopefully some of the things Frank and his friends told me, and the girls’ responses, will spark some conversation and the students will have come to some understanding when everyone returns for school this fall.

Dating isn’t supposed to be about going after someone like a hyena or jumping from one person to another. It’s supposed to be fun and casual. And in a beautiful bayside setting like Castine, it should be even more so.

Jessica Bloch can be reached at jbloch@bangordailynews.net.