Can men, women be JUST friends?

I wandered over to the other side of the newsroom a few days ago and came upon an interesting conversation. At first listen it was a conversation about whether men and women can be just friends. Yawn. Didn’t all that get resolved in “When Harry Met Sally”?

But the conversation went a bit deeper than the old men-and-women-as-friends thing.

Seems my co-worker, Eric, has been pretty confused lately about the old men-and-women-as-friends thing. I guess Harry and Sally didn’t solve anything.

To make matters worse, Eric was being teased by some female colleagues who couldn’t quite see past his predicament.

The story goes something like this: Eric recently met a girl. She sort of pursued him – that’s what it seemed to him, anyway – by getting his e-mail address. They got to know each other a little but finally she revealed she had a boyfriend.

That’s cool with him, Eric said. She’s a cute girl, someone he would definitely be interested in, but she was off the market as far as he was concerned. Some of the young ladies in the office, however, couldn’t imagine a man being OK with just being friends.

Now, I don’t know Eric all that well outside the office other than a few University of Maine sporting events where we’ve bumped into each other. He seems like a quiet, hard-working guy and he looks younger than his 26 years. I can’t remember the last time I saw him in anything other than a shirt and tie at the office, except maybe on a Sunday.

Based on that, I think we can take him at his word that he just wants to be friends with this girl. But what Eric wants to know is, why is there pressure to be more than friends, especially now that he’s passed the quarter-century mark, and why is there such an assumption that deep down inside he wants the girl to break up with her boyfriend?

“There’s very few times when you just meet somebody with the intention of being friends,” Eric said. “The older I get, the more that seems to be the case. Personally, I would rather be friends with someone, I might see something [in them] and then become interested.”

It’s a tough situation, and one I think few single people have figured out for themselves.

Eric said the big changeover comes after high school, when we approach what is considered to be the socially approved age for marriage. He had tons of female friends in high school. Now, to meet a girl might automatically come with the assumption that he was interested in her romantically.

Makes sense to me. I had two close male friends in high school, and our friendship was never questioned as anything but. I remember my mom coming home from work one day to find Mike and Josh hanging out in the family room, and my mom not even questioning the presence of boys without an adult in the house. She knew nothing salacious was going on during those late afternoon “Saved by the Bell” marathons.

But it is a little different now that I don’t watch after-school TV anymore. Case in point: I spent the Fourth of July weekend with a very close male friend. After describing the weekend to another male co-worker, he wanted to know, with an eyebrow raised, what kind of friend I was talking about.

So I could understand what Eric was feeling. Why can’t people just take our word? Why is it so hard to believe that a man and a woman can be just friends?

Some of the girls around here seem to think it’s possible for the woman to remain friends, but they don’t think the reverse happens. Guys always want something more.

But that’s where Eric thinks he’s different.

“I’m not a typical guy. I don’t date in the casual sense of dating,” he said. “That’s just really not my style and it’s not what I’m about. I think I matured a lot in college. I think that’s when most people get that out of their system, but I didn’t do it then. Some people who are still single out of college are still in that phase.”

I guess the message is, ease off, girls. Eric has a good head on his shoulders. And he’s got a good point.

There’s nothing wrong with being friends first. And if it’s friends forever, there’s nothing wrong with that, either.

“Maybe something happens and there’s mutual attraction after being friends, but it shouldn’t have to happen,” Eric said. “There shouldn’t be this pressure.”

Jessica Bloch can be reached at jbloch@bangordailynews.net