New ‘Breakup’ book gives tips on how to move on

Last fall author Greg Behrendt gave us all a how-to guide to deciphering disinterested men with his book, “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

This fall, as sure as the leaves are changing, Greg is at it again. This time, he’s giving us the same slap-in-the-face dose of honesty some of us need about breakups.

In his new book, “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken,” which he wrote with his wife, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt, Greg and Amiira try to whip us into shape when it comes to dealing with the dumps, especially for those who are the dumpees.

“Breakup” is divided into two sections. The first focuses on dealing with the immediate breakup and the second discusses the months afterward and how to move on.

Greg and Amiira, who both claim to have been through the dumping cycle before, tell us that the answer isn’t found at the bottom of a wine bottle. Nor is it in the bottom of a pint of Gifford’s.

I’m not sure it’s in the authors’ book, either, but there is some good, kick-in-the-pants advice here, even if most of it is common sense.

For example, the authors advise, don’t check your messages every five seconds. This goes for cell phones and e-mail. Don’t try to understand what your ex is thinking – and frankly, Greg and Amiira write – you shouldn’t care. Stay away from your ex for 60 days, which is the authors’ No. 1 commandment. It’s a kind of “he-tox” (or “she-tox) to get the person out of your mind.

Don’t keep his stuff lying around your place. After a breakup, I like to put things away for good, or at least a few months. Somewhere in my closet I have a box of cute photos, a few e-mail confessionals (the modern equivalent of a love letter, I suppose) and a Sacajawea dollar coin that an ex saved for me because he knew I liked them. Where it is in my closet, I have no idea. But it’s there in case I ever want to look through it all.

Find a friend who will talk you down from calling or e-mailing your ex. And don’t backslide with your ex. This happened to me once. Worst mistake I could have made.

Finally, learn to put yourself first. That’s something that we all need to work on, but it’s great advice in a breakup. Be good to yourself, because you need time to heal.

One of my favorite pieces of advice comes in a chapter about literally getting off one’s rear end. I’m talking about exercise.

Now I don’t know if I buy into the bit about exercise releasing endorphins, which supposedly boosts one’s mood – it never feels that way after 45 minutes on the cross-training machine at the gym.

But for those 45 minutes, you’re not listening for the phone or checking your e-mail. You’re not guzzling wine or eating ice cream. And you’re putting yourself first, which, as Greg and Amiira write, is crucial.

Even better, if the traditional gym doesn’t appeal to you, get out and join a hiking club, play pick-up basketball, or learn to sail. Not only will you get in shape and feel better (regardless of endorphins) but you never know who you will meet.

Jessica Bloch can be reached at jbloch@bangordailynews.net.