‘Pillhead’ discovers road to recovery

Editor’s Note: Jonathan B. lives in the Los Angeles area and found “Finding a Fix” online.

We of Pills Anonymous are men and women who no longer want to use prescription drugs to provide an illusion of pleasure or to overmedicate a perceived problem with pain or anxiety, with stress or exhaustion – with living life. We have hurt others and ourselves long enough; we now seek recovery and healing for our loved ones and ourselves.

We have found our way to this fellowship by many paths, only to find a common road on which we can proceed, one day at a time. Many of us have participated in other 12-step programs, often quite actively, and yet found ourselves still unable to function without the use and abuse of prescription drugs. Some of us have come to our first Pills Anonymous meetings bewildered when, despite no past history of addiction, our use of physician-prescribed medication has spiraled out of control, undermining our sanity and wreaking havoc on our lives. And while some of us started off abusing prescription drugs as just another form of “recreation,” many did at some time have legitimate, medical reasons for needing such prescriptions.

Although we have subjected ourselves to substances every bit as powerful as street drugs, our “dealers” – sometimes knowingly, often unwittingly – were physicians and pharmacists, so we usually had to commit few, if any, crimes to obtain our “fix.” Insurance companies often paid for at least part of our abuse.

Our illegitimate activities were usually limited to acts which illustrate our astounding capability for deceit, such as getting prescriptions from multiple doctors simultaneously, stealing medications from our friends’ and family’s medicine cabinets, and occasionally forging prescriptions. We memorized the contents of the Physicians’ Desk Reference so that we could precisely describe symptoms that elicited the prescription we craved. And above all, we hid our pills and our conniving not only from those who know us but, by denial and delusion, from ourselves.

Our conclusion? We are not like other people. Prescription drug addiction is a disease which affects our body, our mind and our spirit in such a way that taking a single pill often results in an irresistible urge to take more, many more. And it can affect anyone – from Betty Ford to Rush Limbaugh to Eminem to me – a 50-plus businessman and father whose clients and friends had no idea until I admitted it seven years ago.

It is probably worth taking a moment, right up front, and explaining what we mean by “prescription drug addiction.” In my “home group” of Pills Anonymous, we have agreed that a defining characteristic of our addiction is the complete inability to withdraw from the prescription drug for any length of time, if at all, without the assistance of medical professionals and/or a 12-step program. Our use usually escalates to dangerously high levels, although that level can vary tremendously from person to person. I know people who have consumed 10 Vicodin a day, and others 100 a day. While drug use often increases beyond what a physician has recommended – which is when many of us start “scamming” doctors – the fact that a medical professional has sanctioned one’s current level of usage does not mean you’re not addicted.

The primary prescription drugs that bring us to Pills Anonymous fall into two categories: those prescribed for pain (Vicodin, Norco, Oxycontin) and those prescribed for anxiety/stress (Xanax, Valium, Ativan). The muscle relaxant Soma has been abused by many of us, and I personally think it is more dangerous and addictive than Vicodin. We’re also now starting to see younger members who have found their use of Adderal – a form of “upper” that helps them focus on whatever they’re doing – spiraling out of control. And an assortment of other drugs that our members realize are killing them – physically, emotionally and spiritually.

While the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and other 12-step programs are generally open and friendly to us, and become a part of our recovery, we have launched our own meetings in various parts of the country. Just as an essential reason behind the success of AA is “one drunk talking to another,” there is nothing quite like “one pillhead talking to another” when it comes to recovery from this particular addiction.

The first Pills Anonymous Web site was launched on Oct. 11, 1998. Its online location has changed, but it still exists and thrives at www.pillsanonymous.com. At that site, anyone can download a calendar with information on the 38 PA meetings now available in the United States, mostly located in clusters in the West and Midwest, but you can find meetings in Manhattan and Anchorage! There is not yet any central, official PA organization, though most of us have a dream that this may be possible some day. Individual PA meetings are established by those willing to get them going, and materials are also available at the PA site. There are online meetings, although it is not a substitute for a “live” meeting. It is an important and safe gateway for those with our addiction and family members of addicts are welcome to collect information and ask questions there as well. You’ll also find that we recommend they attend Al-anon.

Last, there is also a new blog written by one pillhead – me – who wants to share with health care professionals and other caregivers what they didn’t learn in any school to date. To give them the ‘inside scoop” on prescription drug addiction so they can help us, and not enable us. It’s located at www-pill-addiction.com, and I welcome you there and will answer any inquiries directed to jonathan@pillsanonymous.com.

And, if you’re addicted or think you might be, join us in-person or online. The only thing you have to lose is your misery.

Send comments about ” a ” by calling 990-8291 or e-mailing findingafix@bangordailynews.net.