Family meetings useful in caring for aging parent

Remember some of the old sitcoms on television where the parents would gather the kids together for a “family meeting” to discuss something important? While you may be all grown up, family meetings may still be necessary if you are a caregiver for an aging parent.

“Every family member should stay informed about any caregiving issues,” said Dottie VanHorn, caregiver resource specialist at Eastern Agency on Aging. “It’s easier to deal with a crisis or with ongoing issues if everyone is in the loop. Family meetings are a way to do that.”

But family meetings may not go as smoothly in real life as they do on television. VanHorn offers some tips for holding successful meetings:

. Agree on who may attend. Some families limit the meeting to parents and children only. Other families will include aunts, uncles, family friends, in-laws and ex-laws. A good practice is to include everyone who will be a part of making the decisions.

. Choose a meeting time and location that works for everyone. Neutral ground may be best, such as a conference room at a hospital, senior center or school.

. Don’t use the meeting time as a power play. Sentences that begin, “If they really loved Mom, they’d,” never end well.

. Have a time limit for the meeting and an agenda. Stick to it. This prevents people from going off on tangents.

. Send important information to all who will be attending.

. Have child care available so small children will not be a distraction.

. Have a moderator and someone assigned to take minutes for the meeting. Or use a tape recorder. Write down issues that aren’t on the agenda, with the agreement that they’ll be discussed at a later meeting.

. Finally, let each person speak. Listen respectfully and actively; don’t just bide your time waiting for your turn.

“It’s also important to remember that equitable contributions are not always equal,” said VanHorn. “For example, one family member may spend more time doing day-to-day care. Another may accept a larger part of the financial responsibility. Yet another may do shopping, take the person to appointments or provide respite. Let go of family rivalries or unresolved conflicts with the person you’re caring for. And if you need professional help, get it.”

And Eastern Agency on Aging is always ready to help. We’re holding a Caregiver Education Series that will include a variety of topics designed for caregivers. The sessions are free of charge and will be held from 1 to 2 p.m. in the Eastern Agency on Aging conference room. You may take all of them or choose the ones that interest you. Call EAA to register at 941-2865.

The first one is Oct. 11, titled “Navigating the Community Services System,” with Kerry Kier, EAA community services consultant. She will guide you through the various resources that are available to help families and to help support caregiving in the home.

The second one is Oct. 25, titled “Making Financial Planning Decisions as a Caregiver,” with Dick Hewitt, former financial planner and EAA volunteer. Hewitt will discuss key tips on estate planning and how to best organize your financial information as a caregiver.

Third in the series is Nov. 9, titled, “Making Care Giving Decisions as a Family,” with Dottie VanHorn. She will discuss how to hold a family meeting and how to develop a senior-focused plan for living in the community.

“Although getting family meetings off the ground may be a challenge, the result of having everyone aware of the needs of their loved ones is worth it,” said VanHorn. “Family meetings are the perfect way for family members to make a contribution toward caregiving without any one person bearing an undue burden. Sometimes families end up with closer relationships due to coming together and working toward a common goal for a loved one.”

For a complete list of all the sessions in the series, call EAA.

Eastern Agency on Aging’s family caregiver program is here to help while you care for your loved one.

Carol Higgins is director of communications at EAA. For information on EAA, call 941-2865, e-mail info@eaaa.org or log on to www.eaaa.org.