Married to addict, woman has advice

I was married for five years to an OxyContin addict. My heart goes out to all of you who have been affected by addiction. I want to share my story and send the message: Don’t give up. … there is hope out there!

My husband became an OxyContin addict after years of dealing with chronic pain and having several medical surgeries. He was legitimately prescribed OxyContin for many years. At one point he was receiving as many as 150 80mg pills each month to manage his pain, along with other narcotics for “breakthrough” pain. He eventually reached a point where he was no longer taking the medication as prescribed and was running out of his supply early.

His addiction and abuse of the pills finally became apparent and his doctor shut him off. We began to seek treatment for his substance abuse along with some form of pain management for his ongoing medical problems. He was referred to an inpatient rehab for a 72-hour evaluation and then discharged for outpatient therapy.

The treatment plan was methadone, but the daily dose and outpatient counseling was never enough to satisfy his still-active craving and just seemed to substitute one narcotic for another. In this way, he started his journey down the path of addiction and crime to support his habit. I made the difficult decision to end our marriage, but I continued to support him in every way possible to help him achieve sobriety. Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings, rehabs, counseling, doctors visits – I did everything I could to try to change him. But he wasn’t ready. Although I knew he wanted to change, he hadn’t hit rock bottom yet.

Now serving a lengthy sentence in prison for a drug-related crime, having temporarily lost his role as a husband and father, he has finally hit his “rock bottom.” Burdened with guilt and remorse for the hurt and humiliation he has caused his family, along with the grief of all he has lost along the way, he struggles every day while serving his sentence.

He has been clean now for more than nine months. He participates in AA/NA programs along with individual substance abuse counseling, parenting courses, vocational rehab training and work release programs. I write and visit often. It is such a refreshing change to look into his eyes and see a clear, crisp look and no longer see that dazed look of being high. In place of that, I see the desire and the strong will to make things right again. He has found spiritual help in his journey to recovery, along with continued love and support from his family. He searches daily for self-redemption and the strength to get through each day clean.

One day at a time, he moves a step closer to his freedom – not only from prison, but from a life of addiction, betrayal and crime. I am proud of his continued efforts and I forgive him for all he has done. I still love the man he was before he fell slave to this powerful drug. He was a wonderful husband and father. I know that he will find himself again, that he will make things right and that this time he will succeed.

My message to all of you who are affected by a loved one’s addiction is this: Don’t give up. Continue to offer your love, support and faith. Someday “your” addict will hit his/her rock bottom too and discover that there is another life out there for them – a life free of drugs and deception.

And remember, you are not alone. Reach out for support for yourself as well. There are several support groups out there for those of us affected by addiction. I have sought counseling and continue to attend AA/NA meetings. It has given me a better understanding of what exactly my husband was struggling with and will continue to struggle with in the future. It has educated me about addiction and exposed me to the world of recovery. It has given me hope and faith.

I have met several people who have 10 years or more of sobriety under their belt. Most of them were once at their rock bottom too. Many spent several years in jail, lost their families and jobs. But now they lead happy, drug-free lives. They have regained their relationships and the trust of their family and friends, are respected members of society again, hold steady jobs and live their lives to the fullest.

God never made a perfect person. He intended for us to make mistakes, and he gave us the great ability to love unconditionally and to forgive. With the right resources, the desire to come clean and continued love and support from you, the addict can beat his or her addiction.

– Hope from Maine

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