Light of optimism glimmers in letters from former users

I have been suffering with a drug problem for the last 12 years, and finally realized I desperately needed help. My life was turning out to be a mess.

Eventually the drugs totally took over and had me doing things I’d never do sober. I went to jail for stealing checks from my family members. Then I ended up stealing jewelry from my mother to trade for drugs. My drugs of choice were OxyContin, heroin, morphine and Dilaudid. I turned into an IV user because it got me higher faster.

When my family caught me using, they took my children away from me. That made me use even more because I felt I had nothing to live for or care for. I started to sell everything I owned to get more drugs.

This was my life up until two months ago. I finally realized that life is worth living. I went to detox at Acadia Hospital, and I attend the Chemical Dependency Intensive Outpatient Program on a daily basis. I have entered the Narcotic Treatment Program and have gotten my kids home where they belong.

I give thanks to everyone at Acadia for helping me to stay sober. Without their help, I have no idea where I’d be today. My life has changed dramatically for the better.

To all of you younger people out there thinking drugs are the answer, think again about getting help to get away from them. Life is better without drugs.

P.T., Hudson, ME

This letter comes to you from a longtime drug addict who has only been clean for six weeks. The reason I am now clean is, thankfully I was arrested and have been incarcerated at the Aroostook County Jail.

My hope is to get a message to the generation behind me that sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll is not all it’s cracked up to be. Even if you see your peers or parents doing it, it is nothing but a self-destructive path that leads to nowhere. The last eight years of my life is living proof of that, and I am now only 22 years old!

It started out as social drinking and occasionally smoking pot. At 16 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety problems. I was given a prescription for Xanax and discovered that one little pill seemed to “cure” most of my problems. By age 17 I was getting my prescription filled and taking the whole bottle by the next morning. I also had started to drink heavily by this point. I was so daring that I drank, smoked pot and snorted pills at school, which led to my expulsion from Presque Isle High.

Around this same time I got my first OUI. I thought this was “cool” and it made me feel that I fit in better with my so-called friends.

For approximately three years I managed to stay clean. I gave birth to two beautiful children and did very well. Slowly but surely, I started sinking back into my substance abuse. When my oldest child was 2, I attempted suicide, believing I was a horrible person and my children deserved better. Soon after my suicide attempt my mother took custody of my children in hope that I would go to a drug rehabilitation program to better myself. After learning how hard it is to get into rehab due to long waiting lists, I started to go downhill quickly. To a drug addict who needs help desperately, anything over a one-day wait can be too much to handle.

I soon discovered a new addiction that would outweigh all the others I had – cocaine. I started sticking needles into myself, “booting” to get the ultimate high. I had never been so overtaken by anything in my life. During this period, I stole checks from my mother, the person that had done nothing but try to help me.

I want to stress to those younger than me to stop and really think before you take that first drink, joint or pill. Think about what can happen, what is happening to people all around you. It ruins families and friendships, but mostly it ruins you! Don’t be a statistic, one that has to struggle and work your way back to true freedom.

Jessica Parsons,

Presque Isle, ME

Please join our weekly conversation about Maine’s substance abuse problem – we welcome comments or questions from all perspectives. Mail letters to Finding a Fix, Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04401. Comments also may be phoned to the column response line, (207) 990-8111 or emailed to findingafix@bangordailynews.net. You may choose to remain anonymous or to have your name used. If you need help getting your thoughts down on paper, column editor Meg Haskell will be happy to work with you. Call Meg at (207) 990-8291 or toll-free at (800) 432-7964, or email her at mhaskell@bangordailynews.net.