I am a 38-year-old woman from Bangor. I am a recovering addict, just restarting my life. I’ve been clean for a year, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I want teenagers and people of all ages to know that if you think using drugs is fun now, it won’t be fun for long.

I’m concerned with the recent “Finding a Fix” column in favor of legalizing some drugs. If you are out there thinking that drugs should be legalized, drugs have definitely blinded your judgement. Drugs took everything I loved from me and changed who I really was for a long time.

When you abuse drugs, they make all your choices. You stop being the person you were before you started using. Drug addiction doesn’t care about your age or where you come from. It’ll take everything from you – your self-worth, dignity and values. You do things that you would never think of doing if you weren’t on drugs.

I started using drugs and alcohol when I was only 10 years old, and I just got clean at the age of 37. When I used, all I cared about was where I would get my next high and how. I put my family through hell. I stole from my parents and didn’t care what I did to them. They stood by me even though I was doing the things I did.

I was in a hospital in Massachusetts from the age of 18 until I was 20 years old because I was so out of control. After I got out of there, I went right back to the same routine.

My children were taken from me in 2003 because I couldn’t take care of them because of my addiction. I chose drugs over them. I have to look at myself in the mirror every day and live what I did to them. It hurts me all the time, but I own up to what I have done to my kids.

I hit bottom hard in 2004. I used the loss of my children as an excuse to use more drugs. I was addicted so badly to opiates that I was physically sick. My liver was ruined and my diabetes was out of control. I also spent 30 days in jail that year for trafficking drugs.

When I was in jail, I saw a substance abuse counselor who told me about the Wellspring drug and alcohol rehabilitation program in Bangor. I had a screening and was put on the waiting list. I went into treatment on Nov. 9, 2004. This program helped me look deep inside and see why I used. I will never forget all the things I learned from the staff there.

I see now that my addiction controlled my life for a long time. I didn’t have a real childhood or a normal life. I grew up too quickly. Some people blame others for their addiction. I have done that, too, but no one ever forced any drugs up my nose or in my mouth. I chose to do it myself. The blame game is only another excuse to use more drugs.

Now I have control. I make the right choices and I choose not to use drugs. I am able to take part in my life, drug-free and happy. My kids and I get along well and I have a better understanding of myself.

If you really want help with your substance abuse, you have to be willing to go to any lengths to receive that help. After all, you went to any lengths to get your drugs. It will get better if you want it to.

Legalizing drugs is a bad idea that will only make it easier for people to get and stay addicted.

From the Heart

Just read your article “Town efforts will curb addiction.” It says, “substance abuse has exploded into a rampant epidemic throughout our state.” I agree totally, and want to respond from a Christian point of view.

It is good to help addicts get off drugs and to help our neighbors that are in need of our help. But of all the help I have seen (and received) over the past 30 years, nothing has compared to the help that Jesus gives an individual. My life was one that was severely addicted to alcohol. I was 27, suicidal and life had no meaning at all! Then one day my Mom invited me to go to church with her. I went and the pastor said Jesus could give anyone a new life. I received Jesus into my heart and the rest is history. The morning after my receiving him, I awoke free from the desire to drink alcohol. A year later he delivered me from cigarettes.

Programs are great, but Jesus is far greater! I am now a school custodian, and my life has purpose and meaning. My future is secure and I keep looking for that Heavenly City that is coming!

– Tom Sprague, Machiasport

Please join our weekly conversation about Maine’s substance abuse problem. We welcome comments or questions from all perspectives. Letters may be mailed to Finding a Fix, Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04401. Send e-mail contributions to findingafix@bangordailynews.net. Column editor Meg Haskell may be reached at (207) 990-8291 or mhaskell@bangordailynews.net.