Additional ‘s’ is one too many

The next time you hear someone speak the Latin phrase “et cetera” as a stand-in for “and so forth,” listen carefully. Unless I miss my guess, chances are good that what you will hear is “ek-cetra,” or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

I’ve heard that mispronunciation so often on the radio in past weeks I’m beginning to fret that the practice may be as contagious as the bug which infects people who say “affidavid” for “affidavit,” or who botch “nuclear” on a regular basis.

On the other hand, I suppose it could be just me. It may simply be that my hearing is malfunctioning again, hearing allegedly being one of the first faculties to head south when the mileage starts to pile up. But I don’t think so.

One thing I have no doubt I am hearing loud and clear these days is the extra “s” that is often added to otherwise perfectly good words, a phenomenon which I suspect has an abnormally high cringe factor amongst connoisseurs of fine conversation everywhere.

Ascertaining just why the linguistic scofflaws feel compelled to tack on the extra consonant is beyond my modest pay grade, so I have never attempted the feat. Perhaps some future university scholar in pursuit of a master’s degree might one day write a thesis on the subject.

A good starting point for the candidate’s research might be the up-country town where some of the natives routinely turn the family name “Knight” into “Knights” and think nothing of it. Pronounce the name correctly and you’re irrevocably branded as being from away, which, as we well know, is not the brand one might choose to carry around tattooed on his flank if one had his druthers.

The business of “anyways,” for “anyway,” uttered by persons with a woefully tin ear for the language, can also make the skin crawl when let loose in polite company. Yet, the dictionary says it is permissible, albeit with a qualifier.

My admittedly prehistoric Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 10th edition, lists “anyways” as “an archaic form of ‘anyway,”‘ which I take to be dictionary code for “use it if you must, but don’t come whining to us when you are labeled a dope for having done so…”

On the other hand, when I turn to my well-worn copy of “The Written Word,” a handy pocket-size hard-cover reference book published by the Houghton Mifflin Co. in 1977 as an aid in the mechanics of writing, the advice on “Anyway/anyways” is short, sweet and unambiguous: “‘Anyways,’ for ‘anyway,’ is not acceptable on any level of usage.”

So there you are. Dueling reference books. The story of my life. Thus, my bottom line on such things: When it comes to language and word usage, if you search far enough you can generally find a hypothesis to fit your prejudices.

Meanwhile, the additional “s” contagion continues to grate…

With the National Football League’s season-ending Super Bowl championship only a week away, we will soon enjoy a respite from being driven nuts by sportscasters, football players and referees who should know better speak of a player having been penalized five yards for being ruled “offsides.” What they mean, of course, is that the player was offside.

Simply put for the uninitiated reader who probably could not care less what the correct term might be, the football rulebook states that a player is considered to be “offside” if any part of his body is beyond his line of scrimmage when the ball is snapped by the center to initiate a play.

Beyond one line of scrimmage. Beyond, or “off” one side, not two. Thus, “offside” (singular) rather than “offsides” (plural), a concept so basic even an old dawg of dubious mental agility can grasp it.

Yet, pay even scant attention to the chatter that will accompany next weekend’s game at Detroit between the Seattle Seahawks and the Pittsburgh Steelers and you’ll likely hear more references to “offsides” than to “offside” emanating from the broadcast booth, and probably from officials on the field, as well.

It’s as though if a guy doesn’t call the rules infraction “offsides” he is to be reviled as an elitist wuss having no credibility with Joe Sixpack watching the game with his buddies at some bar back in Pittsburgh.

Still, there is always the possibility that the correct word might be used during the course of the game. Should that happen, and should you be moved to offer up a lusty cheer in appreciation, go for it and rest assured that you have company here on the lower Penobscot. Two voices rejoicing in the wilderness.

NEWS columnist Kent Ward lives in Winterport. His e-mail address is olddawg@bangordailynews.net.