Roses are fine, violets are boring.

So why buy a gift that leaves your Valentine snoring?

If you’re trying to woo your sweetie, it’s best not to put him (or her) to sleep with tokens of your affection. A dozen (or two) long-stemmed red roses are nice, but they’re a little, shall we say, overdone. So, too, are the “Kama Sutra in a box” kits, the red and black lace teddies and the chocolate body paint – it’s V-Day, kids, not a bachelorette party.

I’m all for grand – and sexy – gestures in the name of love, but it’s no fun to let marketers and advertisements lead the way. Instead, I’ve come up with a few quirky, fun and frivolous suggestions for lovers of all kinds.

After all, what could be more romantic than taking the time to think about what your Valentine really wants?

Not even a pair of furry handcuffs can beat that.

For sweet tooths

All of the sugar with none of the guilt – “candy heart” necklaces and bracelets by KanDi Designs feature ceramic beads and a white gold and diamond pendant. They’ve been seen on such celebs as Jessica Alba, Mischa Barton and Fergie of the Black-Eyed Peas, too. ($190 and $130 at lollyshop.com)

For the guy who doesn’t know you exist

Fred Flare’s Make Out Kit, with Big Red gum, lip gloss and kissing tips, will let him know exactly what’s on your mind – plus, it’s more PG-13 than XXX, which means you can be sassy without being raunchy. ($8, fredflare.com)

For decorating fiends

You know the type – she decks the halls for Christmas, New Year’s, Easter, heck, even Labor Day. This year, she can do it up for Valentine’s Day, as well, with a set of candy-heart ornaments. ($7.99 at T.J. Maxx ‘n More)

For the bag lady

Can’t afford a pink or red Coach satchel? No worries. A little tote will show her your feelings are heart-felt. ($4.99 T.J. Maxx ‘n More)

For the gardener

Skip the roses and buy a clutch of freesia, a tiny metal box full of hydrangea or a stem of orchids. Better yet, bring the sweetness of spring indoors with a few paperwhite bulbs for forcing and a pretty pink enameled container to force them in. (Prices vary; all items available at The Little Garden Shop in Surry, 667-6751)

For the film aficionado

If he’s into indie, he’ll heart “I Heart Huckabees.” If that’s not his bag, get something that says “love” without screaming “chick flick.” ($14.99, Amazon.com)

For the oenophile

A bottle of red, a bottle of white, and a candle to tell your Valentine she lights up your life. The Fleur De Vigne candle by Caudalie Paris, which features the fresh fragrance of grape blossoms, will never leave you corked. ($35 at www.caudalie-usa.com)

For the bride to be

Afraid she’ll get cold feet? Warm them up with a cozy, kitschy pair of love socks. ($2.99 and up, T.J. Maxx ‘n More)

For the fashionista

She may be a little too sophisticated for a “hottie” T-shirt, but that doesn’t mean she can’t wear her heart on her sleeve. A fitted shirt with tasteful hearts is both cute and stylish. ($24, fredflare.com)

For the name dropper

The Matchbox Wisdom on Love is a box full of 60 cards, each emblazoned with a quote from such visionaries as Mother Teresa and Albert Einstein. Tuck one in his lunch or briefcase every day. ($7.99 at Amazon.com)

For someone spicy

Cook up some lovin’ with Davies Gate Allspice-Cinnamon moisturizing body glow and lip gloss. ($20 and $12, respectively, Bath & Body Works)

For the dieter

Pantina’s eye shadow duo and lip gloss have all of the richness of chocolate with zero calories. This new line of cosmetics boasts luxurious packaging without the luxury price tag. (under $6 each at Brooks Pharmacy)

For the glamour girl

Cherries are so sweet – and so hot this season. Let her know you appreciate her fashion sense with a clutch from London designer Luella Bartley – available for a very limited time at Target. (Luella bag, $16.99, Target)

ShopGirl would love to hear from you! Send questions, comments or suggestions by e-mail to: kandresen@bangordailynews.net, by U.S. mail to: Kristen Andresen, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04402-1329, or by fax to: 941-9476. Tune in to ShopGirl at 5 p.m. Fridays on WLBZ-2.

Win me!

One lucky reader will win this Luella bag from Target ($16.99 value), stuffed with Davies Gate goodies ($32 value) and Pantina cosmetics ($9.50 value)

Simply fill out this form, cut it out and mail it to: ShopGirl giveaway, Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor, ME 04402-1329. To e-mail an entry, send the following information to kandresen@bangordailynews.net. Good luck!

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THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED IN THE FEB. 18 SHOPGIRL COLUMN. ENTRIES MUST BE POSTMARKED BY MONDAY, FEB. 13.