Columnist’s novel retirement idea risks 85 rejections

Along with purchasing Powerball tickets, my long-range financial planning has consisted chiefly of murky plans to write a fabulous mystery novel, sell it right away (in a few weeks), then sit back and live on the royalty checks on Sanibel Island.

I have purchased several hundred murder mystery books from Amazon.com and figure that writing a book or two might pay off the credit card bill.

I mean, ever since I saw those Dewar’s ads in The New Yorker, with some yuppie working on his typewriter (a few years ago, obviously) and asking his unseen companion for a few fingers of scotch “as long as you are up,” I wanted to be a rich (very rich) author.

These dreams took a serious pasting last week when best-selling authors Steve Berry, Brad Meltzer and George Pelecanos discussed the realities of the profession, during the annual Lee County Reading Festival in Fort Myers, Fla. It was the best “the fort” had to offer since the Red Sox were away.

Berry could make you sick.

His first two books, “The Amber Room” and “The Romanov Prophecy” were both national best-sellers. His next novel, “The Third Secret,” became an instant best-seller, debuting at No. 13 on The New York Times hardcover list and climbing to No. 5 on the paperback list. The book also appeared in the top 10 for USA Today, Publisher’s Weekly, and BookSense best-seller lists. His latest hardcover is “The Templar Legacy,” which debuted at No. 4 on The New York Times best-seller list. Rights to all four novels have been sold worldwide – in 34 countries.

But he was no overnight success. Berry said he wrote for 12 years, with no less than 85 rejection letters before he was published.

I think I would have quit after, say, 75 rejection letters.

Not only that, but he still works as a Georgia trial lawyer (he has done 9,000 divorces) to pay the bills. That is not part of the dream. Plus, his publisher wants a book a year. “It doesn’t get any easier. It is an extremely lonely experience. I grow to despise the book after 50 readings. The first draft is easy. The 40th draft is not.”

Killjoy.

Brad Meltzer is the author of The New York Times best-sellers “The Tenth Justice,” “Dead Even,” “The First Counsel,” “The Millionaires” and “The Zero Game.” Raised in Brooklyn and Miami, Meltzer is a graduate of the University of Michigan and Columbia Law School.

His books have a total of almost six million copies in print, have spent more than eight months on the best-seller lists and have been translated into more than a dozen languages, from Hebrew to Bulgarian.

He told the Fort Myers audience that he started writing when he lost a promised job after college and found himself $10,000 in debt. He decided to take the year off to write a novel. Compared to Berry he had it easy. He only got 24 rejection letters, from 20 publishers. “Some of them wrote me twice to make sure I got the point. But I fell in love with the process of creating imaginary friends,” he said.

He uses friends and relatives for character names. “Hell hath no fury like a cousin who has been killed off on a toilet seat,” he said.

George P. Pelecanos is one of my favorites. He was born in Washington, D.C., in 1957. He worked as a line cook, dishwasher, bartender, shoe salesman, electronics salesman and construction worker before publishing his first novel in 1992.

Pelecanos is the author of 12 crime/noir novels set in and around Washington, D.C.: “A Firing Offense,” “Nick’s Trip,” “Shoedog,” “Down By the River Where the Dead Men Go,” “The Big Blowdown,” “King Suckerman,” “The Sweet Forever,” “Shame the Devil,” “Right as Rain,” “Hell to Pay,” “Soul Circus” and “Hard Revolution.” Esquire magazine called Pelecanos “the poet laureate of the D.C. crime world.”

When and if I ever write a book, it would be in the Pelecanos genre of “noir.”

“I call it social realism or proletarian noir. It’s not a whodunit but why. In a normal mystery novel, the world is tilted off balance by the murder, then returns after the crime is solved. In a noir novel, the world is always tilted off balance. It stays off balance after the murder and the violence ripples out forever,” he said.

Every writer has a different schedule. Pelecanos works a few hours a day, seven days a week without an outline for five months steady until the book is done. “I know where it is going to end, but I don’t know how it will get there,” he said. He gets his character names from obituaries in The Washington Post.

Walking out of the Harborside Event Center after listening to these three successful writers who have sold millions of books, I thought about the 85 rejection letters, the hard work, the months of writing, the 40 drafts.

I drove to the nearest Hess Station to buy more Powerball tickets.